Thursday, January 13, 2005

One shot, Mas Tequila

I just had a co-worker tell me about how she needs to go to the dentist to have some work done. They had problems numbing her mouth last time. I told her she should have a couple of shots before the appointment and get her entire body numb as well. I would have made one hell of a dentist. The only one located inside a bar.

Another girl just walked by. She had once made a comment about how all I do is drink and gamble and didn't seem to have a care in the world. Of course, my response to her was "You say it like it is a bad thing". So as I am typing this and thinking about answering Dave about his tequila topic, I ask her "What are your thoughts on tequila?". She just giggles as she walks by. Yeah, it is possible that liquor hasn't touched her lips since prom night, but your never know. Another guy I ask just shuddered.

So Dave, you have yourself one damn hard question to answer. While some would say tequila is the downfall of Western Civilization, I say Que? Yo no tengo un tequila? (see that 8th grade Spanish was worth it!).

Tequila is one of the more misunderstood liquors in the booze universe. It is like a woman. When you find the right one, it is a ton of fun. You can wake up in the morning, a little groggy, look over at her and think "Yeah, that was fun!".

But unfortunately for us who care to imbibe in the agave juice, it is too much like bedding the ugly chick at the end of a wild bender. You wake up, wondering where in the world you are, looking around, waiting for your eyes to focus as you realize you can't move. 5 minutes later, head pounding, mouth feeling like you smoked your buddy's sneaker, you can move only half of your body. The other half is caught underneath the wildebeest. We are talking beyond coyote ugly. Wildebeest ugly. You not only are willing to gnaw off that arm and leave it behind, you are willing to gnaw off a leg and leave a lung and kidney too.

You wonder how you got yourself into that position back in the college days, don't you Dave? It is summed up in one word. Cuervo. The shittiest tequila you drank back then because everyone else did. Cuervo is pure crap, not tequila. Next time you find yourself in a good Mexican restaurant, enjoying a margarita (if you can't enjoy a nice stiff margarita then something could be wrong with you as well), check out the bottles they have. Odds are they are not using Cuervo. Better odds are that anyone who frequents the place often is asking for a better, REAL tequila be used.

What is that you ask? REAL tequila? Yes, REAL tequila. Only something that is 100% pure agave. Blue agave. People, I will impart two fantastic words for you. Cabo Wabo. This is how tequila should be. Smooth. Good taste. You don't feel like you just tried to swallow a sea urchin after downing it. This is the way to go.

One other note. Men should never drink any totally fruited up margarita. And never blended. Always over ice. You may get away with house blend, somewhat fruity margarita while on vacation, but it can't be done in front of the buddies.

Ok, I have spent too much time at work on this topic. I still have to go write up my Party Poker story. You will have to wait another day or so for buying and taking care of your flask.

1 comment:

James Wigderson said...

No fruity drinks? What if they're made by a pro, a real mixoloigist of skill and daring? For example, ...wait a second, you were there enjoying fruity drinks with me! What was the name of that bartender again? What if it was Jeff behind the bar? I don't care how tough you are, can you really turn down one of his fresh peach and strawberry concoctions?