Thursday, February 10, 2005

Hung over? Have I got a cure for you!!

Well, no I don't. I don't really get hangovers. At least I don't think I do.

I mean, exactly what qualifies you to be hung over? I believe everyone has a different opinion of what constitutes a hangover. I believe their are a number of variables that make a true hangover.

The dreaded headache. Your head feels like it is either going to implode or explode. You would think about which one it is but that makes the pounding even worse. It is so bad that even your heart beating annoys you. Any sound is like a jackhammer. If that dog barks, Fido may not make it through the day. But even yelling at the dog hurts so you are screwed.

A tired body. You have just enough strength to get out of bed (or pick yourself up from the bathroom floor), to make it to the couch. Changing channels on the remote requires a feat of strength. You would like to get a glass of water but that requires energy, something you have none of. You are content to watch a movie and doze in and out of it. Problem is you need to muster up enough energy to go to the door to get that pizza you ordered. That is if you can keep it down.

The urge to yack. Nausea. Every drunk's worst enemy. Any smell makes you call Ralph on the porcelain telephone. The thought of eating is so remote in your brain, even though you are most likely starving. Moving makes you want to puke. Those who do don't feel any better. Especially if you get the dry heaves.

I think that all 3 of these components must be present for you to officially be hung over. At least the headache and tired body with a hint of yacking.

Thankfully, I don't get that bad. I usually have the tired body syndrome. Once in a blue moon I will have the headache partner but that is rare. Then I know I gave her hard last night.

So what is the cure? That is interesting as you can google it and see various cures. One women's site that came up first gave the most ridiculous claim ever. Don't drink. Stupid!

The also pointed out that sex is not a cure. I find that to be interesting and I presume false. I am not beginning a study to test that theory. Any drunk women interested in helping with this project are kindly asked to send their name and phone number.

I would offer water as the only method to help you out. Not a cure, but it will help. Drink some before you pass out and again in the morning.

Otherwise hair of the dog. Get that buzz up and running again.


Anonymous said...

I would be interested in your name is Nicole a.k.a Koala. One small question though...will there be food?

Anonymous said...

... and can i come and eat at your house more than once a day?!?!

Anonymous said...

...I promise I will wear my pin-striped shirt. Oh wait, I kinda stretched that out last week.

Anonymous said...

....i swear they were pin stripes when i put it on.... i don't know how those stripes got to be three inches wide... really!