Thursday, June 16, 2005

Am I evil? Yes I am!

I have some simple beliefs in life. One of them is to always know your place. I reconfirmed my place yesterday.

On the rocket sled to hell, that is.

I am continuously jockeying for a good seat on that sled. Yesterday I may have gotten to the front.

It all started innocently enough- yeah right! I was enjoying happy hour with a friend. She is able to do happy hour when she can get the babysitter to stay for a while. During the time she is out (she only has a couple and doesn't get blitzed-usually), it isn't uncommon for her two daughters to call a couple times on the cell phone.

After a couple calls, the phone rang again. She looked at the caller id and noticed it was her kid again. She hands me the phone and tells me to talk to her. I didn't really want to speak to a 4 year old, but she insisted. So I answered the phone. The first words out of me mouth after hello are:

"Your mom doesn't love you". Yep, nice way to talk to a little kid. I proceed to repeat that a number of times, pointing out that her mom has been lying to her all these years. Thankfully, mom is laughing her ass off.

The kid isn't digging this and begins to insist on knowing who I am. "This is God". Being a little smarter than a 4 year old, I proceed to tell her I am the Almighty. I see everything. She wanted proof. I answered by telling her to not pick her nose. She gives me the big test. What is her sister's name? Easy answer there. I then get hints from her mom on convincing her. I tell her to sit still in church and not fidget. After a little gasp on the other end of the phone, she goes back on the attack insisting that I am not God. A couple tidbits about her later, and she is repeating over and over "I'm confused. I'm so confused!".

When she hands the phone to the babysitter, I give the phone back to mom. She talks to the babysitter and then proceeds to try to convince her own daughter that the phone just rang and she answered. From what I hear, her daughter tells her she was speaking to God.

Yep, I have a good seat on the rocket sled to hell. Not only did I get the best of a 4 year old once again, I have her on the brink of insanity.

Which leads to a nice segue about the Drinking for Jesus tour 2005. The grandaddy of them all, St. Romans, is this weekend. Nothing says Faith better than standing around a parking lot, drinking beer, and trying to win bottles of booze in the raffles. Some interesting bands playing there this year. Will be interesting to say the least.

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