I was in Ireland. I was with a bunch of friends at a party and we
were well on our way to getting drunk. Some decided we should go to
Hooters. The one is Scotland because the lasses were hotter there.
So we got in a car and drove a couple of hours to the Hooters in Scotland.
As dreams go, our party suddenly swelled up to about 30 some people by the time
we got to the restaurant. We ate and drank a lot more. Before I
notice, most of the party was gone. There were just 2 or 3 people that I
knew among the group that was still there. Me? I was wasted.
And I knew it. I got up to leave and started bouncing off the walls as I
walked down a hallway to the exit. As I bumbled down the hall, I kept
thinking I need to look sober so I can get in my truck and drive home. As
the Hooter girl bid me a good night, I went outside and just about fell. I
realized I was obliterated and was definitely not able to drive. I wobbled
a bit into the parking lot and found an old lady. She looked at me funny
as I tried to explain my problem. "Can you help me? I am drunk and I
am a ways from home. I don't think I can drive all the way back to
Milwaukee in the United States." As I slurred my words, she quickly walked
away from me with a scared look on her face.
At this point, I basically gave up and just sat down in the parking
lot. Some hoodlums came over to check out what was with me. I didn't
know if they were going to rob me or what, but one of them told the others "This
guy has been on a major bender!" They all laughed about my condition but
then walked away saying how they have each been that sloppy drunk before.
It was at this point that I found myself awake. I couldn't get back to sleep. I realized a couple minutes later why I was awake. It was what one of the hoodlums said. "This guy has been on a major bender!". That isn't what they would say in the UK. They would have something more colorful to say. But I have no idea what. And that bothered me. Enough for me to lay awake wondering how a Brit, Scot, or Irishman would have said someone had a lot to drink.
No, I did not get up and search the web. I don't plan to. Yet.
Or it could have been some of the other little things that were bothering me. The annoying lady on Deal or No Deal who was freaking out on the very first briefcase she picked! Or maybe it was that I actually stopped on that dimwitted show and watched it for 15 minutes, cheering for her to lose.
It could be any one of the Volkswagen commercials that basically say "Hey drive a Volkswagen and get into a accident!" The one that gets me is the one they showed too many times during the football game. I refuse to embed it but you can see it here. Am I the only person that notices the light changing to green in the background? That means the driver of the car has just run a red light. After he was already at a stop. Is the guy color blind? He must have come to a stop at a green light and then proceeded once it changed to red. They then show the passengers outside the crashed vehicle (curiously two black, one white and one Asian to appease the diversity crowd) traumatized by the accident. What about the sorry son-of-a-bitch whose care is not totalled because it t-boned the VW? What about him?
Alas, we will never know.
Just like I will never know how I got home from the Scottish Hooters.