Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A Slaughter at the craps table

Strange weather we have been having lately. Not even two weeks ago we had 12 inches of snow dumped on us. Then it got pretty damn cold out. Now it is warmer and the snow has basically melted away. Instead of a white Christmas, we look to have a wet and mushy Christmas.

I started doing some moving of stuff in my house in preparation for the weekend. I recall last time how these kids started grabbing all of my stuff and hauling them around from one place to another. It pretty much annoyed me so I am putting things in one room so they cannot get at them. Yesterday was the slot machine. They had no clue what the hell they were doing with the thing but they wanted to play with it. Of course it led to two kids fighting so I decided that was being put away. I need the room anyways for food.

I did get the tree out as well. Didn't put it up though. It is sitting in the box in the living room. I can get that done tonight. I may even add lights this evening as well. I figure ornaments tomorrow and other room decorations on Friday. After I hit the liquor store. I haven't quite decided on gift cards or booze. Yes, I am leaning towards booze. They would be thankful for a couple bottles of wine.

Hey, how about a Vegas story? I hope this translates well to the written word as it is to tell it. Just one of those wild things that happens in Sin City.

When you are with a bunch of friends in Vegas, and the booze if flowing, and it is early in the morning, strange things are going to happen. I mean, you are in Vegas, not a bingo game. If you don't have a story to tell about something downright funny or weird, then you must have gone to sleep at midnight.

I am not quite sure what time it was. I think it was 5am Sunday morning. It was after a day of playing poker- both Hold Em and Pai Gow. Consuming of alcohol had started at about 10:30 in the morning so I was feeling pretty damn comfortable. Tired, but comfortable. The Human Head's wife had just got me unstuck at the Pai Gow table so I was in a good mood. As I walked my way back to what remained of the crowd at the bar, I decided I wanted to throw some dice. I asked around and found Joe Speaker, Maigrey, and Garth were more than interested to roll the bones. The tables had been a bit crowded but now they had a couple spots open. So I squoze my way in by the croupier.

Things seemed normal for a bit. Players started dropping out and we were beginning to get a feel for the good shooters and bad. Just as we were getting into the rhythm of the game, I saw it. Yes, I say it because at first I couln't tell if it was a man or woman. My first reaction was that it was some small drunk dude that was in a cover band doing hair metal. The hair and clothes reminded of a lead singer who was well known in the 80s. The only problem I had was trying to place who this thing looked like (it would hit me a day later). After a bit of talking with Maigrey, she convinced me it was girl. In fact, it was one really drunk hooker who looked quite a bit like Mark Slaughter.

I was laughing as she stood there with no money trying to get a couple of bucks from Speaker. She was looking at his finely coiffed hair with such a lovey dovey face. I knew right away, she was going to try and give him a kiss. Sure as shit, she made a move, leaning up and over to give him a peck on the cheek. As she did, Joe was in the process of shooting the dice so all she got was some air by his shoulder.

I couldn't help but laugh. I was finding this chick to be hilarious. I think she noticed I was laughing at her because she started talking herself up. She claimed to know everything. Being the smart ass that I am, I asked her to name the capital of Saudi Arabia. Guess she knows everything but capitals of the world. We won't be seeing her on Jeopardy any time soon.

Next, she focused her comments on Maigrey. The dealers were already making some comments on what Maigrey had to say so I had to have some fun with them as well. I had my chance when the hooker said to her "Your so beautiful." I took the lead and replied "That's why I married her." The dealers bit on it right away. One comment led to another and I was adding in that we had kids as well or we wouldn't have been married.

I should know by now not to tease smart women. After mentioned a kid she added in how it was funny that he was walking around with an Australian accent. I don't know if Garth caught that or not, but it was too funny. The dealers did not know what to say after that.

At this point the hooker wasn't getting any more attention so she shifted her actions to someone walking by. She hoppped in front of some guy and started dancing for him before she got her smooth talk going. She was gone for about 10 minutes. Unfortunately, she came back to the craps table when she struck out. She had some new meat to talk to now. Poor guy kept looking at me as I laughed, his eyes rolling, hoping she would go away. His prayers were answered as security soon came by to gather her up and escort her out of the casino.

You gotta love the strange people you see in Vegas.

No comments: