Friday, June 01, 2007

Stories about asses

I was touching my ass a lot yesterday. More of pulling my pants up and checking to see if I had somehow ripped them. All day it felt like something just wasn't right. Like a breeze was blowing on my butt. I could have sworn that there was a gaping hole in those pants. There wasn't. But my head couldn't comprehend so I kept checking my ass with my hands.

As I was leaving the building, I finally figured it out. It was then that I noticed my drawers would at the bottom of my ass, not the top. The elastic band on my boxers had raised the white flag and now I had droopy drawers. I realized I had two choices. Go down the stairs where I could hitch them up via the back pockets and take a chance they do not fall as I go down the steps or take the elevator and pull them up as I went down.

Elevator it was. As I hit the 2nd floor, the left cheek was covered. I was about to switch to the other side when the elevator stopped. WTF?!?!?! Some lazy ass was getting on. Someone I used to work with. Now I have half my ass covered and had to quickly pull my hand out of my pocket. I talked with her as we walked out and could just feel the left side slowly fall down. I felt like a retarded rapper with my drawers down on my ass instead of my pants. How the hell do they walk around like that anyway? I did a quick pull up by the car and got out of there.

I still don't understand how the elastic band wore out. I guess there are some mysteries of the world we will never understand.

Enough of my ass. Let's get to another ass.

New twist in the McGee story today that explains part of how the results of the recall election was such a landslide in his favor. He was paying out $5 a vote! Sure some would argue that his staff was actually paying but seriously, how does he not know? I think we do need to give McGee a bit of credit here though. At least he tried to keep up with inflation by paying the cash instead of handing out cigarettes.

Man I cannot wait to hear the next juicy tidbit. Sadly, he may not be able to post bail soon. Word is he called his radio station and pleaded with his listeners to post his bail. Doesn't sound like they raised enough money. Doesn't look like we will be watching an OJ style video on local TV this weekend.

But all is not lost. We do have some enlightenment on the "street language that whitey didn't understand". It did bug me yesterday. I did my best to understand what they meant, not what they said. I think I may understand what a "head busting" truly is, especially after learning this:

In recorded conversations, the three talked about "peeling back" Crawley's "wig" and "sewing his cap together," Chisholm said.

The phrasing likely came from a 1989 song, "Peel Their Caps Back," by Ice T, said Grant Barrett, the author of "The Official Dictionary of Unofficial English." It means to shoot somebody in the head.
See. Do you understand now. It ain't about guns, it is about alcohol. It is about getting him drunk, not killed. Like for instance, tonight I am going up to the bar and I will be doing some headbusting. I will be peel back OMW's wig and sew his cap together during the Brewers game.

Translation. I am heading out to the bar to drink a lot (headbusting- get drunk and suffer a hangover). I will pull out money from my wallet (peel back- take outl some dollars to pay for the drinks) for my friend OMW sake (wig- his state of mind) and get his now happy ass drunk (sew his cap together- get all buzzed up in the brain drunk) during the Brewers game.

See? It is all a big misunderstanding. If people would spend more time in their local pubs we wouldn't have this confusion.

It looks to be a rainy weekend in Milwaukee. That of course means RiverSplash is going on. RiverSplash is just an excuse for Milwaukeeans to close off a street and drink beer where cars should be. Add in some bands and it can be a good time. When it isn't raining. It always seems to rain. I bet if you could look up the history of this festival, you would see that it hasn't rained like once in the last 10 years. If it hasn't rained, it has been cold.

Not sure what I am planning this weekend. Mowing mother's lawn appears to be out, so after peeling back OMW's wig and sewing some caps, I am not sure. Probably catch a Brewer's game. With May over- historically the worst month for this franchise- they are bound to get on to winning games again. Right?

Rock on with your bad selfs!

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