Friday, July 13, 2007

Dodging a bullet

For once, traffic on the freeway wasn't all backed up. I began cruising in the left lane, checking out each of the spots a trooper may be hiding. There really aren't that many and I was quite happy to see it was clear.

Thus I was a bit shocked to see him back there. It is one of the worst feelings you can have. You look up in the rear view mirror and see that car behind you.

Closing in.

Somewhat Fast.

I look again. Still coming. It was then that I noticed the top of the car. Lights mounted.


I looked at the speedometer. 69. Usually a great number. But not the number you want to see when a sheriff is quickly coming up behind you.

I took my foot off the gas pedal. I didn't touch my brakes. Never touch your brakes. Way too obvious. You may as well shout to the the deputy that you were speeding, pull me over now and let me announce my guilt to the world.

My speed dropped off to 60 as the sheriff's car got closer. He has got me, dead to rights. I have no excuse. I need an excuse. Quick, think of an excuse.

Hmm...getting closer still and he hasn't even put on the lights. Dude, don't fucking screw with me. I hate the cop-getting-right-behind-your-car-and-then-putting-on-his-lights-to-pull-you-over move. Hate it!

So I figured I would be coy and act like I have no idea he was back there and I changed lanes, still doing 60. What sheriff? I didn't see no sheriff. No speeding here.

He quickly catches up and goes right on by! Yessssss!

Big sigh of relief.

Unfortunately, we would hit traffic and I would pass the sheriff up. Not necessarily what I wanted to do. I rather have him in front of me, not behind me again. At least I cannot get into any trouble with the traffic slowing us all down.

About a mile and a half, I would what was causing the slow down. A car was off on the side of the road at a bend and everyone and their grandmother had to slow down. I first thought, what an idiot, pulling over at this spot of all places. Traffic always gets clogged up here and we don't need your help.

But then it dawned on me. I shouldn't be criticizing this guy. I should be praising him.

I kept an eye on the side mirror, looking for the sheriff that should be about 20 car lengths back. Sure enough, he was pulling over to help the car in distress.

Sweet! If the guy had not called in with problems, I would have had a speeding ticket. Said a couple of prayers and got back up to 65 for the ride home.

The other day I kept seeing commercials for an interview with Victoria Beckham. I thought they were kind of annoying. There was something specifically that bothered me but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Then it hit me.

She looked like a high priced call girl. I felt better knowing I would sleep easy having figured that out.

Sleeping easy would mean I wouldn't have another dream that I was on the Jerry Springer Show.

Have yourself a good weekend and rock on with your bad selfs!

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