Sunday, October 21, 2007

How to treat a burn- a pictorial

Accidents happen. No one intends to burn themselves. Sometimes it happens in the stupidest ways too. Take for example yesterday. I had to get the grass cut- hopefully for the last time this year- and figured a beautiful Sunday afternoon was a good time to do so. I could get it done just before the Cowboys game started. After all, the Lions/Buccaneers game was boring and the Patriots/Dolphins was a blowout.

I started cutting the grass and noticed I may not have lowered the mower close enough to give it a nice cut. So I stopped and read down to drop the wheels. For whatever reason, I put my hand right on top of this part (carburetor I believe), the hottest part on the mower.

Though it had been running for about 5 minutes, it was really hot. I instantly pulled my hand up and began wondering what the hell I just did. It was like biting your tongue; you something you do on a routine basis and then suddenly think of yourself as being retarded for doing something that dumb. So my fingers got a bit singed.

That big white spot would blister up once I was finished cutting the grass. Of course I finished cutting the grass. It didn't seem to bad at the time and it would only take about 15 minutes to finish up.

Once I was done, I put the mower away and immediately went to my first aid kit.

Alcohol is the cure for many of life's ailments. I figure if it can cure a cold, then it certainly can help with a burn. So I looked at my slim offerings and had to decided which one would do the trick. Ah, an IPA. That stands for Instant Pain Aid, correct?

Why yes, I believe it does. I grabbed the bottle and held it gently with my fingers. The coldness instantly made everything better. Cold beer on burn is a fantastic cure. It got even better when I started drinking. I figured one of two things would occur. The burn would be treated by the coldness of the glass bottle or I would get drunk and stop feeling any pain at all. It was a win win situation. Within a couple of hours, I was fine. In the head and on the hand.

I think modern medicine can learn from me. Anyone have the email for the New England Journal of Medicine?

I watched most of the Eagles/Bears game yesterday. I don't understand it. The Cowboys/Patriots game gets over 29 million viewers, second highest in regular season history. The CBS affiliate is smart enough to try capitalize by having the Pats on in Milwaukee. But the Fox guys decide to go with a boring ass football game instead. What the hell are they thinking? I would bet there are more Viking and Cowboys fans here than Bears and Eagles. Simply a terrible idea in my very well biased eyes. And how the hell does any defense let that weak Bears offense drive 97 yard in less than two minutes with 1 timeout and score a game winning touchdown???

Speaking of bad TV, I got my share this weekend. Watched Snakes on a Plane. Wow. So bad on so many levels that it was good. What a terrible movie. If you like bad movies, this one had it all. So cliche.

I followed it up with bad TV. Viva Laughlin had me rolling on the floor. Oh wait, you mean it is not a comedy? Seriously, some guy gets up and starts singing karoake style in the middle of the scene and that ain't suppose to be hilarious. It happens again and my side is hurting. Toss in some really bad acting and some stupid lines and we have a big winner here people. Sadly, it sounds like it may not make it through the month. Catch this show next Sunday or whatever time slot it get thrown into. You have to see it just once. It is hilarious.

Finally, I found myself watching Vh1's latest show, America's Smartest Model. A real winner here. Picking on dumb models isn't as good as watching them try to just be normal. When they had a contest where they made a big deal out of having to possibly eat two Twinkies or a slice of chocolate cake, it was funny. When they had to eat pancakes smothered in syrup- you know, stuff normal people would eat- they acted like they just put some worms or eyeballs or insects or anything the people on Fear Factor would eat in front of them. Too funny.

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