Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Sins before the vampire

It is blood day again. Time to go get poked with a needle, bleed into a bag and get a cookie for my efforts. Would it really hurt for them to give me a cold beer when I was done?

Well, my guess is that my employer wouldn't care for it. Besides, it isn't like I would be happy with one beer. I would want another and another and another...well you get the drift.

The Vatican must have been bored off of their ass for the past couple of months so they created some new sins. Just in case you got bored with the old sins. I have. I mean there is only so much envy, sloth, gluttony, greed, wrath, pride, and lust a guy can have. I went back in line for more greed and lust. Three times.

So now to ensure I have a reserved seat on the rocket sled to Hell, I must take inventory of where I stand on the NEW IMPROVED SINS with 50% more sinning power!
  • Genetic modification- I guess cutting the legs of a pair of old Levis isn't the jean modification they are talking about. Only mad scientists are going to fall into this category. This one is bullshit.
  • Carrying out experiments on humans- I guess I have to plead guilty here. At least from my point of view. Who doesn't fuck with someone's mind? I do all the time just to get a reaction. It is like experimening with humans and messing with their heads.
  • Polluting the environment- Some say if you don't recycle, you are polluting the environment. Once again I call bullshit! I have Penn and Teller to back me up on this one. Go to youtube and watch their Bullshit episode on recycling. 'Nuff said.
  • Causing social injustice- Is this even real? Seriously, it is a perception. There are some people that will always feel they are getting the short end of the straw. I call them complainers. Unfortunately, you know some. Those are the people you walk away from.
  • Causing poverty- How does one cause poverty? Can I cause poverty? Only unto myself. My guess is this gets twisted by the bleeding hearts. If you don't anything to prevent poverty, you are causing poverty. Boone you!
  • Becoming obscenely wealthy- OK, hang on a minute. You don't want poverty but you don't want wealth either? Make up your fuckin' mind already! You can't play both sides of the wager.
  • Taking drugs- Uh..drugs are bad, mmkay? I think that all drugs should be banned and anyone taking them should die. That way all these old people sucking money out of Medicare wouldn't be alive, spending the money I put into Social Security that I will never see. All these old buggers wouldn't be complaining about going to Canada to get cheaper drugs instead of buying the expensive stuff in the US. Wait. You think they might mean illegal drugs? Well, screw that. Legalize marijuana and tax the shit out of it.

Ok, time to go give blood.

1 comment:

J. Gambino said...

You needn't worry about any sins. The mere fact that you Drink For Jesus frees you from eternal damnation.