Thursday, March 06, 2008

Who is crazier?

I find myself being forced to change my opinion on some things lately. I need to in order to keep what sanity I have left. If not, I might actually believe that OMW won the trivia contest last night.

It all started at the veterinarian's office. I had to wait 15 minutes to pick up cat food. Only one person was manning the front desk instead of the usual 4 who sit around doing nothing. The one girl was busting her ass with no help in sight. It was during those 15 minutes that I had to endure one old lady telling another the story of how her dog had died. One dog of like 5 or 15, you know, something like that because the other dogs knew it was gone and they missed her. Yeah, having to overhear dead dog stories is great.

When that ended, a different crazy lady came in to pick up her dog. She allowed her mangy looking mutt to "make friends" with some big old white dog, but she would not allow them to sniff each other's butts. I know because she said it aloud, just like everything else she said to her dog as she stood there by herself. Now I ask you, isn't that what dogs live for, to smell another dog's butt? It is animal cruelty to not allow your dog to jam its nose into the other dog's sphincter.

See, I thought all of the crazy people were at the grocery store. I guess there are some freaks at the vet's office as well.

I may need to change my opinion on who the crazy drivers are as well. I do enjoy the moonbats motoring down the freeway with their bumper loaded up with political stickers. They think they can change the world by the amount of whining they have on their car. 98% of these drivers have unkempt, mad scientist hair which completes the whole crazy persona. No matter what the truth is, they will ignore it just so they can feel safe inside their little crazy world.

But I think there is another group vying for title of crazy ass drivers. It is the NASCAR crowd. You have seen them. They are the goofballs- usually in pick up trucks- with the numbers on the back windows. The 2, 5 or 24. They are the people who think that Calvin whizzing on a Chevy or Ford symbol is beyond hilarious. They are the ones you cannot see their hair because they have a DuPont or DeWalt hat on. Their distinguishing remark is the facial hair and missing teeth.

But the granddaddy of all the crazy NASCAR drivers is the Dale Earnhardt fan. Like their political counterparts, they have multiple stickers, decals, and other shit on their car dedicating their lives to him. Last I checked, he STILL IS DEAD!!! Plus, he was a total asshole when he was alive. Don't sell me your bullshit RIP decal with the angel's halo. The guy died years ago and ain't racin' again. Go pick another driver already.

To top it off, a friend told me some horrific news last night. She is thinking about buying a HHR.* It is my moral obligation as a friend to prevent this from happening, right?

Man, I need a drink now. It's happy hour somewhere and I need to be there.

*I do realize that by announcing this to the world state city neighborhood bar that she may never buy me a beer again. Yes, I was willing to take such a risk to prevent this from happening.


James Wigderson said...

She could buy a Smart.

J. Gambino said...

If you had morals, that would be correct. But since you do not, I guess your friend will just have to buy what is right for them.

And OMW did win trivia last night!!

OMW said...

He did?!?
Damn, I wish I had 'been there' to see it--or at least remember it.