Time away from work was just what I needed. Got the batteries recharged while having a good time sleeping late and getting drunk night after night. Walking into work was easy and the outlook is positive. Even the annoying lady who tried to drag me down with her sarcastic "Aren't you glad to be back" comment couldn't pull me down.
My positive attitude even defeated the evil IT overlords. I spent the first hour on the phone with a tech girl who fixed my laptop. Seems some files from 2004 weren't installed correctly and they were causing drives not to map correctly. I couldn't persuade them to give me a new machine though. Things were good for another hour until I had printing issues. Not good when I will personally kill 5 trees printing documents over the next month. Take that Al Gore!
So you may be wondering...why is he so positive and in a good mood for a Monday? Did he get some pills like Smiling Bob? Did someone leave a case of beer on his porch? Has he won an all expense paid trip to Vegas? No, no, and no.
I am so positive because the world's best television show is back. Rock of Love is back. It is new, improved, and chock full more skank than ever before!!! Where else do you get 20 women willing to throw themselves after a rockstar that was in him prime 20 years ago and has had two miserable relationships based on this very show?
And the skank level is even higher! One girl mentioned how she got a boob job just so she wouldn't climb building and tag them. Yep, not quite Mensa material there. Better yet, same skank read a rap to Bret Michaels off of the back pages of pamphlets on Genital Herpes and Gonorrhoea. They don't make rubbers thick enough to keep that disease off of your peter! Now take a quick look at the pic above and guess which skank I am talking about. Yep, the one on the right in white smuggling watermelons.
Another girl talked about she had a masters degree in storytelling. From Harvard no doubt. A girl from Hawaii may have topped the list when she tried to get Michaels to do a shot out of her..well...err..you know. Down there. Call it a cooter shooter.
The silicone factor is at an all time high as well. At least 15 of the starting lineup has had a boob job. I wonder if they knew there would be a contest in a pool this year and wanted the proper floatation devices on their persons?
Contestants include a former adult movie actress, a Penthouse Pet, a model, a Brazilian chick, a tomboy and the usual assorted sluts and shit ass crazy women. Sadly, two of the craziest have already been voted off. That sucks. But I am looking forward to finding out which one uses a speed bump as a head rest during the season.
Bret Michaels, you are the man. Anyone that can get women to totally embarrass and throw themselves at you is a genius. Better yet, this ruse of "trying to find a soul mate" is fantastic. You found a new way to get laid on TV. Brilliant! Simply brilliant!
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