Friday, February 20, 2009

Damn address sticker

I hope this isn't a precursor to how my day is going to go. I picked up my copy of the Wall Street Journal and perused the front page. Nothing good. All gloom and doom from top to bottom. That is until I see the very top and this:
Weekend Journal: Strippers,

There was more after the comma but I couldn't see it. Some bastard had put the address sticker on that part of the paper. Bastard! You can't have a headline mentioning strippers just to have some lackey throw my name over the top. Just ain't right I tell you.

So I try to peel the sticker back. The paper begins to rip a bit. Dammit! I look from the other side (page 2) but my reading of words that are backwards ain't up to snuff and I can't make out the next word. I can make out "Oscars" but not the word that begins with a "U". I can't think of any good dirty words that begin with a U so I go directly to the weekend section. Aha! Page 4 is the story about strippers and streetwalkers winning Oscars.

But what is the word that began with a "U"? No synonyms for hookers begins with a U. I can think of some. Call girl, harlot, scarlet woman, streetwalker, strumpet, tart, whore, lady of the night, 2 dollar make you holler, working girl, trollop, hustler, wench. But as you see, none begin with a "U".

I had to know what was under that sticker. So I began to pick at it again, being ever so careful. I did peel the sticker back but it took the ink with it! Dammit again! But now I was able to see what the word was.

I felt like Ralphie in A Christmas Story after he figured out Little Orphan Annie's secret message. I had my own "drink more ovaltine" message. The "U" was the beginning of "Unknowns". Son of a bitch!

I crumpled up the paper and went to get coffee. Hopefully my Friday does not follow this path.

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