Thursday, February 05, 2009

What I have learned lately

I realize that I have learned a number of things over the past few days. Some involve personal responsibility while others are on places to avoid. I am beginning think common sense is losing the battle to the selfish seekers of bailouts.

I have learned that paying my mortgage may be the stupidest thing I could do. If I stop paying my mortgage, I will get to not only keep my house, but I could have the amount I owe worked down. And I will get a better mortgage rate to boot. Because I have tenants, the government wouldn’t force me out. Heck, they are putting two households out in the cold, not one.

I learned I should stop paying my taxes until I absolutely need to. If I do not pay my taxes I can be in line for a job in the Obama administration. Instead of being penalized I would get promoted! I would just need to quickly pay those back taxes when I receive the job. I won’t have to worry about being put in jail like you commoners because I was anointed by the One and he will take care of it all. Good to see white collar criminals doing so well in government today.

I learned that I should never go to a health club unless I want gay men checking me out and posting their unwanted advances on Craig’s List. One of the morning radio shows does a bit covering the Missed Connections section of Craig’s List. It seems that every other day there is some guy catching peeks at some other dude’s junk in the shower or sauna or locker room. That tells me that places like the Wisconsin Athletic Club or most Bally’s are just sausage fests, that no straight guy would want to work out there. Thus I get my exercise at home. Plus it reminds me of some guys I worked with who would go to the health club just to ogle women. I guess that explains why they never picked up any of those women.

I learned the local news should stop interviewing teenagers for stories. Only the dumb kids will come up and mug for the camera. Yesterday they covered a story about two punks who opened canisters of pepper spray in a couple of Wal Marts. After they were busted they went to their high school to get the reaction of their peers. This is one the kid they spoke to had to say: “Uh…I think it was a pretty stupid thing to do. I wouldn’t do it. I don’t know why, uh, they did it.” Thank you for those thought provoking words.

I have learned that the most pressing need for President Obama was not to find a way to fix the economy but to make sure those not working would at least be able to watch TV. He worked to push the digital conversion deadline to June instead of this month because some 6.5 million households have done absolutely nothing to get themselves prepared for the switch. Apparently it is the government's job to make sure couch potatoes everywhere do not miss Wheel of Fortune. And let's spend 65 million more dollars to make that happen. Not like that money could have been spent on a way to create jobs, huh?

I just cannot wait to see what else I may learn this weekend.


Anonymous said...

Go to a health club and make someone happy. Consider it your good deed of the day.

StB said...

HA! Now that is funny!