Friday, September 04, 2009

Food freaks

I found myself making a late trip to the grocery store last night. My lazy butt was busy playing poker at the time I would normally go to the store and I didn’t feel like getting dressed at the time. But the thought of digging through the cupboards to eat a can of tuna or carrots on a Friday night wasn’t appealing so I threw some clothes on and headed out.

I was hoping there wouldn’t be much of a crowd at a later time. I wasn’t in the mood to wait for some lady to move the cart that was blocking the aisle as she perused the canned meat selection. Thankfully I did get my share of freaks.

My first was one that I chuckled at. Not really a freak but different. It was the young kid who still had his football uniform on from practice, pads and all. I wondered why he wasn’t wearing a helmet. When I played many a moon ago, you finished practice or a game and got the pads off in a hurry. They were too warm to wear around, much less to the store.

I could have done without the grandma yapping on her cell phone and she bulldozed her way through the canned vegetables. I had to jump to the right to make sure I didn’t get plowed over. Old bitty even gave me a look for coming down “her aisle”. I should have tossed a can of lima bean at her.

I found the grand prize winner of all freaks at the checkout counter. This guy was something to behold. To start off, he didn’t put anything on the conveyor belt. He kept his groceries in the cart and put them up one by one. As he did, he verified every price was correct. I tried to listen in to what he said to the checker when he put something up but couldn’t as I was two people behind. I believe he was telling her the price of every item before she rung it up. If he disagreed, he had her do a quick check to make sure it was correct. Put up the 5 yogurts, wait, verify that computer is correct, and then move on. It took forever. Unlike everyone else in the store, this guy had to watch everything as it was tallied instead of bagging. When he finally finished, he paid in cash (ok, maybe he was making sure he had enough money? Nah!) and began to bag. It was then that I noticed the case of Miller beer and some other bottle in a bag. He pulled a rare move by hitting the liquor store first, then getting food with the money had left over. Nice, I was behind a real drunk!

More interesting was the stuff this drunk was buying. I don’t think I saw anything that was fresh. Frozen foods. Canned goods. The closest he came to something from the meat or produce department was the candy from the big bins. I would get sick eating what he had just bought.

But it was over yet. He took his own sweet time bagging his items. The guy in front of me had more that he did and finished well before him. I bagged my groceries before he did. The drunk even took the time to try and engage me in a conversation.

Drunk: “Big ol’ watermelon, huh?”
Me: “Uh, yeah?”
Drunk: “Last time I got a watermelon it rotted in my refrigerator before I ate it. Totally forgot about it.”
Me: *got to pack faster to get away from this freak*

Man I love the grocery store.

1 comment:

J. Gambino said...

You should have told him about the last time you had a watermelon. About how it liked to lounge on the couch, and take trips and hang out on the porch.