7:30- Make coffee. Caribou morning blend to be exact. This day of thanks starts out in a high note. Watch something on the DVR. Fringe, Psyche, or Boardwalk Empire.
8:00- Consider throwing some bacon into the pan. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!
8:30- Actually get up and put the bacon into a pan and fry it up. I tend to procrastinate in the early hours of the day.
8:50- Figure out what I am going to for the next couple of hours. Fight off the feeling of dread that may be the afternoon.
11:00- Get phone call from brother asking when I am going to come over. He and his overly gracious wife will remind me that I can come over any time to watch football. Come up with an excuse to stave them off for a couple of hours. Probably should get some exercise in.
12:00- Realize the inevitable is getting closer. Take a shower and consider getting beer. That beer could be the highlight of the day. It is also a good backup plan.
12:20- Fill up flask with Makers Mark. This is a better backup plan than the beer. It may be vital to survival today.
12:25- Putz around killing time. Decide to hit the road and make the drive. Double check that I have my flask with me. Stop at liquor store and grab some beer. Not sure I want to drink Heineken or MGD all day.
1:05- Arrive at brother's house. Is sister's car in the driveway? If so, pull out flask and take a slug. I am going to need it with her kids running amok. If sis and family haven't arrived, take a slug anyways. Walking into the bro's house with whisky on my breath makes for a good story and may freak them out. When they offer me a beer ask them if they have anything harder. That would really mess with their heads.
1:15- Slog through the small talk of "how you doing? what's new? how's work going?" Try to keep comments to a minimum of 80% factual. Don't waste any good fibs this early in the day. It can trip you up later.
1:20- Escape to the basement and the big ass TV to watch football. Take the verbal barrage from my brother about what is happening with the Cowboys. Listen to the guy who knows very little about the Cowboys pontificate about how Phillips did not know what he was doing and isn't a good coach. He'll then go on to say how Aaron Rodgers is the best QB in the league and how Favre should not have come back. Feign interest. Keep nodding head and try hard not to call him a dumbass.
2:00- Sis and family arrive- Listen to the clatter of footsteps above. Make the obligatory march upstairs and say hello. Grab some taco dip and escape back downstairs.
2:10- Deja vu.Take the verbal barrage from my brother-inlaw about what is happening with the Cowboys. Listen to the guy who knows very little about the Cowboys pontificate about how Phillips did not know what he was doing and isn't a good coach. He'll then go on to say how Aaron Rodgers is the best QB in the league and how Favre should not have come back. Feign interest. Keep nodding head before calling him a dumbass. Point out that the Packers have no running game and have been playing an easy schedule. Argue for next 30 minutes.
2:40- Kids come down the stairs to the basement. This is where the day begins its slippery slope. The nieces will be quiet at first. But then the caffeine will kick in from the soda and they will get annoying.
3:00- The Dead Zone. First game is over and the Cowboys game doesn't start for another 30 minutes. Try to interact with the brats. Be nice before claiming I need to get something out of my car. Slip out and take a slug from the flask. Its good to have a backup plan!
3:15- Go back in house. If asked, make up story about it not being in the car. Use new car as a diversion. Make small talk with sis before football game starts.
3:30- THE GAME IS ON! This is where all hell breaks loose. The kids will want to play. I will want to watch the game. They will begin to be annoyed that I won't play with them and irritate the crap out of me. I will tell them in a stern voice to leave me alone. They won't listen. Their dad will yell at them to stop. They will listen for a while. I will begin to get pissed that I am missing part of the game due to the kids. Eventually one of them will begin to cry and my brother will say it is officially a holiday!
4:30- I am either optimistic or morose. The Cowboys are either playing some good football and have a chance to win or the team that screwed the pooch in October showed up. I think it will be the former. They are playing better but not great. The Saints aren't perfect. The Cowboys had a great gameplan for them last year and should be prepared for them again. I think this game will be close.
4:45- Call for dinner. This could get ugly. Game will still be on. Is the sister-inlaw going for a sit down meal or can I retreat back downstairs with turkey on plate and watch the game? Hopefully I can get them to delay until halftime.
5:15- Back to the mancave, filled with food. Watch the second half and hope the kids don't annoy the crap out of me. Slip to take another pull out of the flask if needed.
7:00- Hopefully the Cowboys have won and the Garrett rescue is in full effect. Begin to think about how I will escape. Eat some pumpkin pie and have some coffee.
7:30- Make up excuse to leave. Tell them I have to work tomorrow as I send texts to friends to find out if they are going out for drinks.
8:20- Hit the bar and get a beer! Bitch about the family with friends and watch the last football game of the day. Look forward to sleeping in tomorrow.