Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Outracing the birds

It is a nice day out this morning. I have the top down, wind blowing all around me. Feels good. As I drive onto the freeway and pick up speed, I think it could be a nice day. Just need to get through work, then I can go watch the Brewers tonight from a suite. Head north onto the Hoan Bridge when I see the horror in front of me. No, there isn't a massive traffic jam or accident. I notice a flock of seagulls (everyone sing "And I ran..I ran so far away..) coming towards the bridge. I picture them getting right over me, driving along happily in my convertible and then raining their crap all over me, just like a scene in a bad movie. I am resolved to not be shat upon! I see that if I speed up, I can probably get by. So I gun it! Change into the right lane, the only lane that is clear. But wait! It is closer to the birds. Must go faster. I am burning down the right lane at 75, ignoring the new signs about speeding being a big ticket item. My car wash and dry cleaning would be a big ticket item at this point! And then it was over. Got past the birds shit free. Relief.

Speaking of crap...there is nothing the pisses me off more than people who cannot go with the flow of traffic, especially after a slow down. I have talked of these people before. Those who slowly speed up as if they expect to stop again. Though all of traffic in the others lanes has proceeded to the speed limit, these people feel like they must do 50 in the left lane. It got worse for me yesterday. As I was driving along 45, I couldn't help but think it smells like a big turd outside. Thought it might be the Tosa High School but the turd smell persisted even past it. Then I saw what I thought might be the source. A truck hauling some cows. I tried to get by the smelly truck and its trailer, but instead got stuck instead behind someone who could not speed up with traffic. Now I am the turd smell all around me. I wonder if the a-hole in front of me is an evil genius for trapping me. No, he is just that stupid of a driver. After a couple of minutes I am able to get clear of the cattle and the turd smell. Relief again.

One other thing to say about Oprah and her car giveaway. People are saying that this was stroke of marketing genius by the people at Pontiac. How they got her to talk about their new model for over half an hour was much cheaper than buying the commercial time. The thing I don't understand is how dealerships across the country had people calling in asking if they had this new model available and when they could buy the car. Oprah gives the cars away and suddenly all these people want to buy the car she gave away? Wow, what a bunch of lemmings. No one even knows if this car is any good.

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