Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Sissified shots

In my quest to determine what shots should be consumed for the Super Bowl, some noteworthy pundits got me to thinking about some of the horrid excuses for alcohol that can be found behind a bar or in the cooler.

I think Al is right about the Baileys. That is probably what Patriots fans consume after scoring a touchdown. I can see it now. Buffy having to be conjoled into doing a dumper (southside Milwaukee slang for shot). Biff having to drink twice to finish one shot off himself. Of course, they have their pinkies sticking out. Shot of Jack Biff? No way, that rotgut is for heathens! I don't know how they can put that in their bodies without throwing up. They would try a shot of Doctor McGillicuddy's but that is too strong for them though they do enjoy the minty taste. I cannot picture any Patriot's fan drinking good alcohol. They probably think they are living the good life drinking Sam Adams (but only half a bottle because they don't want to lose their inhibitions).

Besides, are there any Pats fans in the rest of the country? I don't think so.

Dave had to bring up Tequila Rose. This may be the queen of the crappy shots. Yep, strawberry Quick. Disgusting. You know this is a sissified shot when people starting making this stuff at home. Any man seen drinking Tequila Rose must be criticized on the spot and have his manhood questioned- unless he has a hot chick on his arm and this seals the deal with her. But she has to be hot! Otherwise you may as well send him to the gumball machine to buy some substitute nads to replace the ones he lost years ago.

I think right behind it may be Blackhaus. I had a friend who drank this rasberry puke religiously. I couldn't touch the stuff because it smelled and tasted like, well, puke. I notice that no one orders this wretched liquid anymore. Good to see people came to their senses.

I could talk about the whole Pucker family. They all fall into the wuss shot category. You could drink a whole bottle of this stuff and not get a buzz. I just about did one time. I grabbed a bottle of apple Pucker at a friends house, busted it open and drank nearly half of it down. The wide eyes of those watching me were quite entertaining. People, it is Pucker, not liquor. Save this stuff to pour in some fruity drink for your lady friends.

The family of cream shots would follow next. Hot Sex. 101 Bananas. Orange Dream. Mudslides. Keke Lime. Again, you can drink a bottle down without getting slightly buzzed. In fact, a bottle can be used as dessert.

That is what I have off the top of my head. What am I missing? Please let me know.

As for tonight, I will be in the WBPT tourney at Stars. And I won't have any of those bottles close to my pc. I am thinking a 4 pack of Sprecher Amber may be the correct beer to put my onto the final table.

1 comment:

All Things Dave said...

You can also spot a Pats fan by looking for these signs:

1) A man sipping a white wine spritzer. Of course the glass is always place on a lily-white dolie and never on the table or bar - shudder - that might leave a stain.

2) A girl will be sipping some drink laden with fruit or one of those red cosmopolitans. If this girl ends up giving a hand job to the guy from #1 above it will be performed while wearing a surgical glove since touching a bare wanker would put her into shock.