Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Going to the freakshow

Before I get on to the freaks at the grocery store, I must cover a topic that came up at work today. Why isn't there a banana cookie? Bananas work well in bread and pie and cake, but what about cookies? I did a Google on this and found one recipe. Just one? This one may trouble me for the day. Well, ok, maybe by the time I am done writing this, but still. Why isn't there a mass produced banana cookie out there? Call the Girls Scouts! Better yet, someone call Mike!!!
I want to see Banana's Ahoy on shelves!!!

Speaking of shelves, I am convinced that the biggest freak show on the planet in the local grocery store. This is the place were you see the misfits of society out showing why they should stay in their homes. The biggest note is that alcohol is probably not involved with why these people are strange. Let's take a look at last night's episode:

In the pre-packaged meat section, the girl with pink and black hair wearing combat boots starts to beat the crap out of the guy she is with. I am knock talking lover taps. She was hauling off and smacking him around, kicking him. Why? I think he made one sarcastic comment. There was nothing I heard that warranted it. The wuss just took it. I am shocked she didn't beat him with a ring bologna.

Another major theme at the store are the shoppers who are in the own little world. The amble about blocking the aisles, not caring that no one can get by them. Whatever happened to putting your cart on one side and stepping out of the way so people can get through?

And if they are not blocking the aisle, they are congregating and blocking your own view. I liked how the family of four each needed to walk up and stare at the meat. I am sure the input of the 8 year old was needed to choose between the ground chuck and ground sirloin. The 10 year old girl was busy poking at the pork chops they sure were going to buy. And neither was I.

I liked how the Latinos decided that the Brachs bin of chocolates was their personal candy dish. Walked on up, spilled a bunch into their hands and walked away. Came back for seconds. Then thirds. I watched this. Even though one of them saw me looking on, they continued. She giggled because she was caught but that didn't stop them. Do grocery stores even have internal security for this kind of theft? There is a guard driving a car in the parking lot but what about in the store? Maybe one day I should walk around and feed myself just to see what would happen. I could grab an apple and chomp on it. Go to the candy and snack. Have some cashews. A muffin or donut. Pour some water to wash it all down. Would anyone stop me and make me pay for it? Somehow I doubt it.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that the people who bag your groceries may get paid by the bag. I actually took plastic last night ( I am usually a paper man) and received 6 bags of groceries. Two items in one bag? I could have gotten everything into 2 paper bags. I guess the bagger was too busy speaking with her associate in the next checkout about their ex-boyfriends.

And beware of the Uruguayans. According to the Wall Street Journal, they are pissed that the Uruguayan that that won the award for best song did not get to sing the song himself. It is an insult to them. WTF? It is the frickin' Oscars. That is it! Only gay people watch it!!!


Aleta said...

And now you can only guess why I hate to grocery shop.
take a trip to Walmart some evening. You will have much to write in your summary.

James Wigderson said...

I guess this means you didn't tip the bag girl.