Thursday, April 20, 2006

White trash Wednesday?

I have come to the conclusion that Wednesday is White Trash Wednesday at the local grocery store. I really felt out of place yesterday at the store. I think it was because I was not wearing sweat pants.

I swear that 75% of the people walking through the store were wearing sweatpants. I have a simple rule in life. Sweatpants are worn 1) around the house, 2) while running outside, 3) when waking up at camping but only for the time it takes to have your morning beer or coffee if you prefer and get cleaned up, and 4) any time while driving when you know you are not going to be entering any public facility (e.g. you drive from your house to parents house to drop off kid or to hit a drive thru).

Do not wear sweat pants in public. It is disgusting. Mostly because the people that wear sps (knew word Gambino?) in public look like they have given up on life. They look shoddy, hair disheveled, can't even afford a hat. It is a sloppy look. Kinda like their teeth usually but I ain't going there.

Perfect example yesterday was SPS Couple. Looked to be the perfect White Trash Sweat Pants Wearing Straight From The Trailer Park Couple. I had bumped into WTSPWSFTTPC yesterday in two aisles. They were oblivious to anyone around them, taking up the whole aisle between them and their cart. The only thing they may have been missing was a snot nosed kid running around trying to put candy in the cart. But both were wearing dirty looking sweatpants with the guy wearing a yellow shirt. Problem was the shirt was white at one time. Needless to say the dude did have a mullet to boot! I told you it was the perfect example.

What may have cracked me up the most about this WTSPWSFTTPC was when I ran into them in by the freezers. They were buying ice cream. Both of them had their faces inside the freezers searching for the perfect flavor. They were searching deep into the back, thinking that maybe they would make a discovery like Indiana Jones. I watched as mullet man dug through the expensive ice cream (yeah right buddy) while mrs. moved over to the cheap stuff and proudly exclaimed she was buying the chocolate because she can get two of them for the price of just the one he was looking at.

Ah, the simple things in life that WTSPWSFTTPC like. I bet they had a better time at the store than I did. I couldn't find anything interesting to eat. I am having eaters block. I seem to be in a rut when making meals lately. Thankfully grilling season is starting but even the cuts of meat were boring to me yesterday. Any ideas are greatly appreciated.

I may head out for some big mouths tonight. Who is up?

I have another rant I need to get out of my system. All about riding a bicycle and why people feel the need to wear helmets. I just don't get it. I see these people on the bike trails and all these doofuses (or is that doofi?) are wearing helmets. I can maybe understand why kids are wearing them (mom makes them) but when I see a grown man wearing one and is puttering along, it cracks me up. Ok, if you are riding on the road next to gravel and cars, then a helmet does make sense. But not on a bike path.

Do they expect to suddenly lose control and head right into a tree? Maybe a head on collision with another biker? I haven't fallen off a bike in years. A statement that is true since I did fall about 3 or 4 years ago. A nasty spill that split open my elbow, a nasty looking gash that bruised the bone pretty good that I probably should have gotten stitches for but didn't. Skun the knee pretty good too when I hit a mossy area on the trail on a curve. A helmet would have done me no good.

No way would my kids wear a helmet either. I didn't wear a helmet growing up while riding a bike. Didn't need one. The only helmets that we wore while riding bikes were football helmets and that was when we were jousting with baseball bats.

See I turned out normal. All without a helmet.


The Brick said...

I agree about the bike helmets.

I see kids wearing them and think: "Damn, I'm glad I was a kid 20 years ago and not now."

I'm also not going to make my kids wear helmets, but I'm pretty sure their mom is going to.

Aleta said...

I feel the need to comment on the sweatpants issue. I have had to wear them and the other type of athletic pants since my surgery as when wearing jeans the seam of the jeans rubs on my incision. I have gone in public with them. But I can assure you that they are in good shape and clean and my choice of tee shirts are always the color they are supposed to be. Am I excused from the SPS label? Please?
I think you may want to rethink your shopping day as Wednesdays at Pick & Save are double coupon days. I have found that if I go in the morning I am the youngest customer in the store.

Alan said...

I never wore a helmet as a kid -- even though I would get up to around 40 mph on my bike going down hills. Today I feel pretty lucky to be alive. A bit of gravel in the wrong place or a thrown chain or something and I would have definately been dead.

Today I care less about looking like a doofus and more about living to see my next birthday. I'm a lot heavier now than I used to be too and that means that if somehow my head comes to hit the ground ahead of my feet there is a lot of energy for my skull to absorb. I would much rather that energy go into a helmet designed to aborb said energy. The risk is pretty low, but then the cost to negate that risk is even lower.

Anonymous said...

I commuted by bike for seven years. Hit by cars three times, ran into by other bike doofi more times than I can count, chased by dogs. I'll go sans cap when I am out by myself, but helmet is ++ anytime there are other douchebags around.

StB said...

Aleta, you are on pass because of surgery. However, once a certain time period has expired, you could be considered SPS.

Anon, as I mentioned, road environment are helmet approved areas. Bike paths? Still no. HIt by a car 3 times??? I would have quite commuting by bike after the 1st.

Blonde said...

I don't see many people in sweatpants, but the White Trash uniform in this neck of the woods makes me want to poke my eyes out with a fork....overweight woman in leggings and a big sweatshirt. These chicks ain't fooling anyone.

Glad that I am back on here. My laptop shit the bed while I was on a business trip so I was without email access.

I will send you your gift this week for winning the Blonde Revelations contest!

AWE said...

Dude, where I live is the White Trash Capital of the world, mullets and sps's for everyone.

Can't do the helmet thing, it bugs the crap out of me. I think there is a law here now requiring kids to were helmets when riding bikes.

Hey Jo said...

I have to say yes to a helmet as well. I thought it was stupid until we started to ride more and figured out that it is needed.

Even on the bike paths. If you have been on the path that runs from Grant Park to South Shore Park, you need one. There have been a few times where people don't control their dogs or you have to avoid rugrats who don't understand the words "passing on your left" and jump out in front of you as they turn around. I have never tipped over but came close to it a few times esp. when you are clipped into your pedals. I would rather be safe than sorry.

Also, believe it or not, it keeps your head cooler when riding.

StB said...

Guess you have misred Jo. No one here agrees with helmets on bike paths.

I ride the Maple Trail you mention all the time. You DO NOT NEED a helmet there. Exactly the place I argue that doesn't need a helmet. Yeah, the kids are bad, but a smart biker plans for what he sees. I guess you are part of the doofi on the paths.

I hate the people you announce to that you are passing. For some reason they believe "ON YOUR LEFT" means they should go to their left. Idiots.

All Things Dave said...

Jeans and no T-Shirt during the Summertime is still the ultimate low.

That and large women wearing shorts that are way too short with cheap flip-flops on their feet.

iamhoff said...

Ah the Whiskey-Tango phenomenon. Best one I saw was an overweight chick, bleached blonde femullet, white leather jacket WITH fringe, and she got out of....wait for it...

a circa 1985 Camaro IROC-Z! This was in Riverside, CA, home of the Camaro Crash Helmet, last November.

Oh, and helmets, I'm with Brick. Glad I grew up way back when, when you could ride in the way back of the family station wagon, play outside, climb trees, build rickety tree houses and rope swings, and generally live a good life. I had plenty of cuts, couple of broken bones, but I'm fine. Kids today are never going to learn how to survive even minor mishaps, and that worries me.