Thursday, August 31, 2006

Coffee, turkey and Miracle Whip

What a nice way to start the day. I just spent the last 15 minutes wiping, shaking, and blotting my keyboard after dumping half a cup of coffee into it. Unfortunately, I doubt I will be able to claim I cannot get any work done as it was mainly the number pad that was affected.

Are keyboards basically liquid proof nowadays? I would think that the geniuses at Dell- or whoever supplies them their keyboards- have made some breakthroughs into making sure your Coke doesn't frazzle a keyboard. I bet somehow it is Scotch Guarded or something.

I would love to know what the guy at the food store was planning to do with the 20 rolls of frozen ground turkey that he had in his basket. Somehow I see him frying it up and eating it plain. Maybe he was going to hook up with the lady I saw that had- and I swear I am not making this up- 10 jars of Miracle Whip in her cart. I bet those two are fun to party with.

I could make a sexual joke about the "bi color corn" that was on sale, but that is too easy. Feel free to toss that one around yourselves.

Maybe the guy who bolted up to the Old Spice body wash and started smelling each of them was buying some of that corn. I bet he is the type that buys the Axe body spray thinking it is guaranteed to get him laid.

As usual, I left the food store feeling empty. So this time I stopped in the liquor store to look around. I believe it is because of Wisconsin law, that the liquor store- though inside the food store- must be treated as a separate store. You cannot buy all of your booze and food at the same time. You must complete one transaction before you can go into the other store to make your other purchases. Yep, it is pretty damn lame, but that's the way it is.

I wandered around the liquor store looking for anything that might be of interest. As I did, I felt a calm sweep over me. The liquor store is my happy place. A place where I can walk down each aisle and look at all the boozy goodness on the shelves and feel at ease. Sometimes it feels cruel to walk out back into the cold world. I also find it most difficult to leave without buying something. Yesterday, it was another bottle of Maker's Mark. I was tempted to get some gin but couldn't pull the trigger.

I know work will be hard today. And tomorrow. I am already in weekend mode. Won't get much done. Best yet, I flat out told my boss that yesterday. She won't be around so I just may leave at noon.

Until then, go read Pauly's latest edition of Truckin'. Some mighty fine writing going on.

4 comments:

AWE said...

The alcohol laws here are strange too. In TN they sell beer at grocery stores, but they can't sell liquor or wine, that is sold in liquor stores that can't sell beer. On the VA side of town they sell beer and wine in a grocery store and the liquor store can't sell either them.

I won't even pick up a can of that Axe for fear of a van of women pulling up and making me succumb to their every whim.

WhisKeYGyrL said...

It's not only the liquor store/grocery store that has the split. Kmart and Walmart have you purchase your "electronics" prior to leaving that department. I bought a CD the other day at Walmart (a $10 CD) and the old man at the counter almost had a heart attack when I was going out of the dept. to purchase some other things. Just what I need on my bank statement 2 purchases at Walmart at the same time. WTF is the world coming too.

djw said...

You mean it won't get me laid? Boy, do I feel like an 'axe'.

al said...

I think that Pick & Saves liquor store is privatly owned and run. The one by my house you can load up your cart and proceed to your grocery shopping.