Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Eye Doc

Going to the eye doctor can be such fun. You keep leaning forward on machines as they stick gizmos right up to your eye, blow air into it, shine light that blinds you. Then they pop lens after lens trying to test you, to see if you are lying about whether 1 or 2 was better. Wait, make that 3 or 4. The first one sounds gross.

That is how I feel though when I go to get my eyes checked out. At the place I go to, they start by juggling you between rooms. You go into one area and they do some focus test to give the doc an idea of how bad your eyes may be. Then they shuffle you off to another room to check for peripheral vision (it was like playing a video game), color blindness, and depth perception.

The depth perception test was tricky. You got to put on 3-D glasses and look at dots. One dot was suppose to stand out. You could easily tell which dot on the first 6, but not on the last 3. Either the lady wasn't angling the board right or I couldn't see shit. I simply stated that none of the last 3 were jumping out. Take that one doc!

Back to another room to take the contact lens out. Then to a third room to wait for the doctor to shine very bright lights into the depths of my sockets ensuring that I would see lights for the next 20 minutes.

I still think they are trying to trick you when they put that mechanism in front of your face and start flipping lens back and forth. Which is better, 1 or 2? 3 or 4? 5 or 6? 7 or 8? Then they go through what seems to you to be the exact same lens once again? I always think the doctor is thinking "This guy is full of shit. No way can 3 be better after 1 was better. Fuck him. I will trick him into saying 4 next time". Hell, I can barely tell the difference between many of the minute changes that occur when they flip a lens.

Once they are finished messing with your head, all in the name of ocular health, they send you out into the world with your eyes all dilated so you go outside and get blinded by the sun. And I pay them to do it. What a racket!

My eyes are ok. Have some new contacts coming. The doc did say my eye pressure was a tad high. Eye pressure? I have heard of blood pressure, tire pressure, Billy Joel's Pressure, but not eye pressure. Oh yeah, that is what can cause glaucoma. Doc said it isn't anything serious. Just something to note for the next time.

But I got to thinking...don't they use marijuana to treat glaucoma? Wouldn't I be the envy of friends if I could go buy medicinal marijuana and toke up as much as I wanted. Maybe I should try that anyways before my exam next year.

1 comment:

Reenner said...

One word....Lasik!