Monday, October 23, 2006

Stupid talk during a football game

Once the beer starts to flow and the game is being won, you can focus on some of the insanely stupid things your friends may begin to say. Things that you don't pick up when your focus is on the game. But once you do, you can't help but say to them, "That makes no fucking sense!"

For example, one person asked yesterday how far could a player stumble before another defensive player would have to touch him to be down. We gave him a weird look as he persisted. He asked if a player could be knocked off balance, and go stumbling for 30 yards, if another player would have to touch him to be down.

Being the smart ass that I am, I pointed out that it would be a miraculous stumble for any football player to go for 30 yards, off speed and off balance, without a single defensive player coming at him to make a tackle. I asked if the rest of the defense would simply stand by in awe of the "miraculous 30 yard stumble" simply because they had never seen it.

I guess he didn't like my mockery as he tried to shove me off the bar stool. That would be one helluva stumble though.

Of course, there would be more. At one point in the game, a Dolphin player was receiving stitches on the sideline from the team physician. Another person made a comment about how unsanitary that must be; that they should go into the locker room where conditions are cleaner. I looked at him and simply said, "I am sure they use a good amount of alcohol to clean the wound. Beside the guy is wearing gloves." He responded that the doc is probably playing with his junk when he isn't busy treating a player.


Like a highly paid physician would decide that while he has some down time during a football game, that the best use of his time at that very moment is to play with himself. In front of 65,000 people. Yeah, that makes sense.

I wish I could explain the capper. The most stupidest thing said at the end of the day. One comment that was unbelievably dumb, that the quoter was back pedaling faster and twisting and turning and fumbling more than Ahmad Carroll. I couldn't explain it and do it justice.

BTW, for the record, anyone taking the over would have won. The count at kickoff was 13!

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