Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Dirty thoughts at the dentist

It was about 5 below zero when I started my 6 block walk to the dentist office. The sun was out and it looked mild outside. I thought it would be a short cold walk. But I was a bit off.

When I reached the end of the second block, my eyeballs were cold. Yep, my eyes were cold. Though I did have sunglasses on to shield them from the wind, they still had the frigid air cooling them off.

Oh yeah, the wind. At first it seemed it was just a mild breeze. But at that second block I noticed I was walking straight into that breeze. Thus at the end of the third block, the tips of my fingers were getting cold. The gloves I had on were doing their best to keep all digits warm but they were failing.

At the end of the fourth block, I believe I felt my balls trying to crawl up into my stomach for warmth. Thankfully, the last two blocks were perpendicular to the wind and in the sun so they didn't feel too bad. In fact, my body was feeling kinda warm, but I was happy to get inside. There I did a little jig to shake things down and began the paperwork.

As I sat there having the x-rays taken, going through the process of having big lead vests put on and taken off of me, I couldn't help but think the worse. It had been a while since I had been to a dentist. I figured if my teeth feel fine that there could be any problems. Or so I thought. I will be back next week to have a couple cavities filled in. Oh, and they want to pull a wisdom tooth.

They say the process will take about 45 minutes. At that point I thought "45 minutes with my mouth gaping open? I wonder if they can just knock me out, do what they have to do and then wake me up?" I then thought it could be like an episode of Seinfeld but the assistant wasn't hot at all. In fact, she was a rather plump woman, wearing orange scrubs. Someone should really tell her that walking around looking like a huge pumpkin is not a good idea.

But as they did the cleaning, which felt like they were trying to pry my gums from my teeth to take a look at my jawbone, I kept having different thoughts. Like, it would be nice if the lady doing the cleaning had a bigger rack. It would have been like a nice pillow on the side of my face. Or after my mouth had been opened for 20 minutes, how some girls complain about their jaw hurting after giving head for just 5 minutes? And why did my teeth hurt after being at the dentist? They felt fine going in.

So basically they will fill some holes next week and give me advice on what to do over the next 6 months until the next visit. I still think it has been silly on my part to have taken such a long time to go in again. But at least I took that first step. Keeping it going will be easy.

You know, it is not everyday that you read a story about some lunatic chick driving a thousand miles in diapers just so she can kidnap another chick that is screwing the guy she is screwing. Oh, and they are all astronauts! Makes you think twice about having some Tang in space.

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