Heyba Fatba Albert

I knew what had to be done the moment I woke up. I took a breath, pick up the shot and popped it down. My body shuddered a bit. I looked at the clock. It read 5:49 am. The only way I will shake this cold is to follow the treatment.

It started as a cough on Sunday. Nothing bad, just annoying. People at the bar were talking about the cough on Saturday so it appears to be going around. Big Mommas might be the breeding ground.

But it didn't really hit me until last night. Having gone to the dentist earlier (huge needle involved), I was on my liquid dinner. I ran through the bottle of Maker's Mark and switched to beer instead of brandy. That gave me a good buzz through the night. When I finally went to bed, it felt like a wave of snot suddenly filled up my head. I suddenly was congested. Took me a couple good nose blows to get to a level of comfort that I could sleep. Thankfully, the booze took over and I was out.

Until about 4 am. I found myself all snotted up again. I coughed up some lung butter and got some more zzzs before the alarm rudely went off.

Thus, at 5:49, I was standing in front of the liquor cabinet, bottle of Korbel brandy in hand, pouring my medicine. Two more tonight and I know I will feel like a million bucks tomorrow.

And to think I was a bit worried when I started drinking. I was at the dentist again (only 1 more spot to take care of and then she considers going after a wisdom tooth) for the usual routine. The doc puts a swab in my mouth to numb up a side before grabbing the needle and killing the side of my mouth. In the past, it was a little needle that you could barely see. But apparently for the bottom teeth, they need a 7 foot needle to get into the jawbone.

Soon, the right side of my mouth was completely gone. My cheek, lips and half of the tongue were totally numb. That got me to thinking...if I started drinking, would I drool out the left side of my mouth?

Answer: No. I didn't taste any of the whisky goodness on the left side but got it all on the right. that in itself was a unique experience.

I also tried to see if I was talking like Mushmouth from the old Fat Albert cartoon. Sadly, I did not.