Thursday, November 01, 2007

Never an ice pick around when you need it

If I had me an ice pick yesterday, my hearing would be gone today.

Yep. Would have taken it and jammed it into each ear just so I couldn't hear the inane talk going on around me throughout the day. Anything to avoid the pain of having to listen to stupid conversations.

It started when I got to work. Two women in their 40s were talking about vacations they have taken in their lives. One would say where they went and the other were respond "awesome!!!" or "cool!!!". Every. Fucking. Time. And it went on and on and on. You would have thought it was two teenagers talking if you read their conversation. People, not everything is awesome. Everything does not inspire awe. Please, PLEASE, stop over using this word. I hate to fight the urge to pound my head into the desk. Passing out from blunt trauma was considered just so I didn't have to hear this stupid conversation. But because it was early in the day, I figured getting work done was more important.

An hour later when all the hens were in the house, the talk was about how cute someone's shoes were. Then how one and a friend fought over a jacket they saw at Macy's. Can't women fight over something sensible? Like the last chicken wing or whose turn it is to buy the shots? Seriously people!

All was good until lunch time. As I ate with co-workers, we were joined by some women who work on the other side of the floor. The topic soon became shopping and how their husbands had no interest in it. Like that is something new? The complaining about how the men just didn't care was nauseating. That is why there should be a Hooters, or BW3s, or any sports bar in every single mall in this country. Just let the guys go drink, eat, and watch sports while you go shopping. It would make a better world.

I got through the rest of the day without too much chatter. Thank God for MP3 players. But the day wasn't over. As I waited for the dentist to finish up a previous appointment, I had to endure one of the most auditory assaults ever. It was a WWE battle with my ears being thrown into the cage repeatedly. I sat there trapped in the waiting room, begging for my name to be called. When I got there, I thought I had hit the jackpot as the latest issue of Sports Illustrated was on the table, just waiting for me to read it.

Then it started. It seemed so innocent at first. The song on the piped in radio had just finished. But the receptionist kept going. Let's do the time warp agaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiinnnnn.


Next, some old bat had to ask her about the movie and whether she had seen it, owned it, was going to watch it because it was Halloween, has she seen it in a theater, has she ever dressed up, yadda yadda yadda.

My kingdom for an ice pick!!!

Let's face it. Rocky Horror Picture Show is a terrible movie made popular by a bunch of homeless people dressing up and singing along with the craptacular songs in that shitty movie. The movie flat out sucks!

But these two made it sound like it was the best thing since sliced bread. The receptionist went on and on about how she owned a the VHS tape, the DVD, the sound track, etc. That was bad enough. But it got worse. I soon noticed that this girl emphasized every last syllable of the last word of her sentence. Each sentence was like this:

I love the movieeeeeeee. It is so greaaaaaaat. You bet I own the DVDeeeeeee.

I had to listen to this for 10 minutes. It was bad enough the dentist was running 20 minutes late but this made it worse. Somehow having to listen to the Pina Colada Song or Dancing Queen while a lady had her fingers in my mouth wasn't so bad.

No wonder I got drunk after that.

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