Thursday, December 27, 2007

Curing a cold

It started yesterday morning. I got out of bed to feed the cat and take a piss. I noticed my throat was on the sore side and I had a bit of a headache. I knew that was not a good sign.

At work, I found myself sneezing quite a bit. Then I felt my head get a lot warmer. I felt tired and slightly achy. As I walked down the hall on the way out of the building at the end of the day, I could feel my sinuses were feeling it. Though I felt like crap, I could help but think that was a very good sign. I was feeling sick in the head now.

I got home, threw on a sweat shirt and some lounge wear and crawled onto the couch to zone out. The cat didn't like the idea. He decided that sitting on my chest as I layed there was a great idea. I did move to heat up some chili. I figured some spicy hot chili would clear up the sinuses and make me feel better. It did, but I am sure the rest did most of the job.

I took a series of cat naps on the couch. Before I knew it the clock said 8:30. Going to bed early sounded good. The bed would be a lot more comfortable than the couch. I moved slowly to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, washed up and popped out the contacts. I then moved towards the liquor cabinet to administer the remedy.

I grabbed a shot glass. I set it down on the table and then grabbed the bottle of Maker's Mark. I poured a shot, grabbed the glass, and drank it down. The whisky warmed up my belly. That warmth quickly spread around my entire body. There is something different about doing a shot in a bar. Maybe it is the beer that sets up the stomach that makes it easier. I poured the second shot and drank that down too. A voice in the back of my head said to do another but I stopped there. The cure says two shot before bed, one in the morning, two before bed. Not three. But in case it doesn't work, I will add one more. Sometimes you need to increase the dosage.

With two shots of whisky in my belly, I crawled into bed. I fell asleep within 15 minutes. Unfortunately I didn't sleep through the night. My sinuses kept filling up with snot. I must have had enough tissues to cover a float in the Rose Bowl parade next to my bed. I tossed and turned, trying to find a way to prevent my nose from getting stuffed up. Something must have worked because the next thing I knew the clock did not read 1:05 but 5:35. The alarm was going off.

I got out of bed and went to continue the cure. I grabbed the bottle of Maker's and poured a shot. I eyed it a bit. The morning shot is the toughest one. It must be administered as soon as you wake. Before you do anything. Anything. Even taking a piss. I picked up the glass and drank it down. The warming sensation spread throughout my body with a slight feeling of calm. Then my stomach twitched a bit. Whisky in an empty belly will do that. Then I was calm again. I fed the cat, took a piss and went to lie down for a bit.

I noticed that my throat was no longer sore. I had a slight headache but my sinuses felt better. I wasn't sneezing either. I feel better but realize it is not over yet. Tonight, I will be back on the business end of the bottle, drinking two shots before I go to sleep. I expect to feel great come Friday. I then may do a shot just because I can.

I have applied this cure for a cold every time I have gotten sick since college. I cannot tell you how well it works. Yet most people do not believe in it. I have told many an acquaintance the remedy and they still do not follow it, preferring to be in misery. Next time you feel sick, follow the simple directions. Two shots before you go to bed. One shot as soon as you wake. Two shots before you go to bed. On that following morning, you may not need the shot to finish off that cold, but you may do it anyways because you feel much better.

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