Drunk Chicken

Having been out late the past two night Drinking for Jesus, I decided I was going to make it a nice lazy Sunday. Watch some movies, do some reading, and just relax. The only thing I would care about was what to eat and I had a plan for that.

A couple of years back I received one of those chicken stands that holds a can of beer. Call it beer can chicken or drunken chicken, it is supposed to be very tasty. For years I have looked at the stand watching it collect dust. Having a whole chicken in my freezer, I decided to find out how good beer and chicken would go together.

Only thing I had to do was get a can of beer. Now some of you may be shocked to think I didn't have any beer in my refrigerator. If I did, it would be in bottles anyways. That is where being a block away from a liquor store comes in handy. I would make the short walk, pick up a six pack and be eating chicken within a couple of hours. I even had a good idea of what beer I would be getting. It had to be a brew that I would also want to drink. I was thinking Hamms or need be, Pabst. It also had to be a six pack as I had spent all of my money at the church and bars this weekend and had only 4 bucks left. Paying with a shitload of quarters could have been done but I don't want to piss off the person selling me beer.

I threw on some clothes and started down the block. I knew exactly where I was heading inside the store. I figure I would see what I wanted and be back within minutes.

Well, that didn't happen. I looked in the cooler and saw nothing but bottles at first. When I did see some cans, it was Miller High Life and Lite. I like my Miller products but they are not going to be good to cook with. I need a full body, old fashioned type of beer than can give lots of flavor to my chicken. I continued to scan the cooler and saw some Colt 45. Uh, no. I then saw the Natural Light Ice next to the Milwaukee's Best Ice. My rule about wanting to drink the beer and I quickly looked away. They were both cheap at $2.49 a six pack but I wasn't desperate. I then saw some Steel Reserve. Again a quick no. I was beginning to worry. Then I saw the Pabst. A 4 pack of tall boys for $3.99. Within budget and something I could drink. Deal done!

As I walked down the block to my house I began to chuckle. I must have looked like the stereotypical Milwaukee south sider. Brewers hat, white t-shirt, shorts, carrying Pabst as I walked down the street. Pure fashion statement.

I had started the oven before leaving the house so it would be ready when I got back. Just needed to wash down the chicken, put a nice rub on it, pop the beer open and place it in the stand and finally sodomize the chicken. I even read the instructions before doing anything. I hadn't noticed it said to use a 12 ounce can of beer and to drink half of it. In this case I had a 16 ounce can which meant I had to drink 10 ounces? Ok, if I must.

The chicken is cooking as I type. Smells pretty good. Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells.