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I love headlines like this- Baker Hughes buying BJ Services for $5.5 billion. I thought a hooker would blow you for like $20. Must be some really good head if they are paying that much.

I didn't sleep well last night. Was out late on Saturday and finally got around to eating something at about 2 after going outside and hacking up my backyard. I ordered a pizza from a chain- mistake number 1- and sat down to watch some baseball. It took about 20 minutes longer than expected for the pizza to arrive. I dove into the wings first. That was mistake number 2. 20 minutes later I was on the toilet feeling my insides dropping out.

That is how the rest of my day went. I felt sick. My stomach was like a pool of acid rumbling about. I drank water for the rest of the day, hoping it would settle my stomach, but it didn't quite work.

My only other liquid alternative was beer. For once, I wasn't in the mood to drink beer. I could have walked to the liquor store to get a bottle of Coke but felt too lazy. That is when I noticed the bottle of wine in the liquor cabinet. It was the church special. Won it on a $2 raffle. I figured what the hell. It had flavor the water didn't. I went to get the corkscrew but then noticed it was a screw cap. High quality stuff! I twisted the cap and and gave a drink right out of the bottle.

Not bad. Then again I couldn't really tell you what great wine tastes like. I took another swig and decided that I didn't need a glass. It was then that I tipped the bottle and chugged a bit. I had to rethink what I was doing here. I was thirsty but downing a bottle of win in 20 seconds was probably not the best idea.

So now I wonder why I was awake at 4 am. Must be the oncoming football season.