I got an assessment for you

I just completed my self assessment for work. Unlike others, I didn't give myself glowing remarks in every category. Most, but not all.

Actually, I put myself on a grade of 4 out of 5. I placed some 3s in there, but no 5s. The 4s clearly outnumbered the 3s and I felt I deserved to be a 4.

I find these assessments amusing for a number of reasons. Most people, especially those who perform their job crappily, grade themselves higher than they should be. Sometimes much higher. You can see them crash to the ground when their peers have ranked them a lot lower than they had themselves. I suggest you stay out of their paths as they grumble about not being appreciated for the work they do or how this person is an idiot as they complain to another low achiever for the next half hour about how the company sucks.

As I filled mine out, I supplied comments to justify the score. In other words, I was asked to let the bullshit fly. "I have shown flexibility by not only working longer hours to accommodate end of the day meetings, but flying out to Doltville to review a client on short notice."

Or this gem. I think this one might be a favorite. It is for an item I gave myself a 3. Well, I tried a 3 1/2 by circling in between the 3 and 4 but clipped more of the 3 than 4. "I know this product like no one else in our department. It helps to balance my short coming on this other area in which I am still learning. Throughout 2006, I have made great strides in understanding the regulations behind it and feel stronger for it."

I know how to weave this BS because I used to have to read it. I enjoyed pointing out to the bottom feeders how they were wrong on their self assessments. On one side would be their goals for the year and on the other their comments on how they did. Most would give positive remarks about how they hit this goal and that goal. But they never touched the ones they failed on. I would handle the hard workers in a different manner. Point out that they didn't hit that goal but work with them to determine why and whether it was tough to attain. Hey, you want to keep the good employees and ship the bad ones to your competition.

I did miss one goal this year and fessed up to it. There was one that I was quite sure wasn't on my goals a year ago and glossed over it. I am not sure as I must have thrown out the goal sheet a month ago when I was cleaning my desk. Or it is in the all purpose in box.

I also had to grade the other members of my team. Though the barking lady gives good effort, I did put down some issues she has. I can feel the glare already. I found it amusing grading the other guys on the team that work on the West Coast and that I hardly ever talk to. Yeah, like my opinion should really matter. I don't believe I can give them a good review because the interaction between us in minimal unless there is some training going on. Thus I used a lot of "unable to grade" comments. I hope they do the same for me.

It will be a week or two before the boss goes over it with me. I am already prepping for that meeting. I have a new pitch that I am working on. The curveball. If needed, I bring it out of the arsenal and throw it towards the plate. I know the meeting will go well but just in case, I have it ready to go.