Hoot Hoot

No weird dreams last night. Sorry to disappoint.

Though Milwaukee may be a suckhole for radio, I do appreciate the prizes they hand out. Last week I was the beneficiary of a prize from the Brew, a wing party at Hooters. I check out their site sporadically for stuff. Ok, honestly I only check it out when I get an email saying I haven't checked it out in a long time.

They give you points to sign up for prizes so I piled my free points into said wing party. However, it wasn't quite the wing party I was expecting. No all-the-wings-you-can-stuff-in-your-piehole-for-you-and-10-of-your-friends kind of prize. Just 50 free wings. I ain't complaining. Free wings are good.

I stopped in to collect the prize last night. Apparently one building holds half of the stations in the Milwaukee area. One secretary hands out prizes for each of the stations' giveaways. I waited patiently for an older lady to collect her tickets to some ballroom dance party being thrown by some AM station. She had also won a Mary Tyler Moore DVD set. Though I try to negotiate my way into those DVDs as well, I gave up when the younger girl handing out the prizes told me about her Saved by the Bell collection she has at home. Ok freako!

Yes, I am allowed to call people freaks. Especially after those dreams.

Bizarre animals humping dreams

A title like that will have all the pervs coming to this site.

I wouldn't have mentioned one weird animals humping dream, but when I have two on consecutive nights, it means that apparently something weird is entering my head.

Also, it should be pointed out that the dreams were animalS humping, not animal humping. No harm was done to any animals in these dreams as they were humping. Also, I was not humping animals. That would truly be fucked up and I don't think I would admit that while I was drunk.

But it just seems weird to have two dreams somewhat similar back to back. The first involved a friend of mine that I used to go to Vegas with at least once a year. In this dream, we are going to the City of Sin and he is bringing his new pet, a baby monkey. I inquire as to exactly what the hell he will do with a monkey in Vegas. He gives the "I cannot leave him home alone" answer. Plausible I guess. We check into the Imperial Palace and head up to the room. After tossing my bag onto the bed, I open the drapes to see the beautiful view of a parking lot. When I turn around, there is a second monkey in the room. This is a much taller, adult monkey and it is wearing a cap. I ask where the hell the second monkey came from and what the hell is it doing going through the cupboards. My friend tells me he is making coffee and that it helps him perform. Perform? What do you mean, perform? My friend tells me he needs to feed the baby monkey. The best way to do so is with milk. Natural milk. The monkey has been hired to uh..help him get milk. At this point, my friend has turned into a monkey himself and proceeds to get banged by the monkey for hire.

Uh..ok.

Is my head fucked up or what?

But that ain't all. Last night I have the second dream. This time I am with a film crew that is going out to hunt werewolves. I think that idea was planted in my brain from the episode of American Dad. Anyways, I am filming this guy who is hunting a werewolf. He goes running through an opening into the jungle in pursuit. After some time, I walk towards the opening to see if he is ok. When I do, I see a cheetah or jaguar or some other big cat sitting right in my path. Not wanting to tangle with it, I slowly back away. As I do, another comes out from the side, startling me and causing me to fall to the ground. With both cats surrounding me, I slowly attempt to crawl away. They growl as I make my escape. Until one pounces on top of me and bites at my shoulder. For some reason, it's teeth are not tearing through my jacket into my skin. But then the second cat jumps on top of the first cat and proceeds to go to town. I stop still and begin to wonder what the fuck is happening to me? I have some cats having sex on my back.

There you go. Apparently I might be quite disturbed. Or just frustrated. Some truly bizarre thoughts going on in my noggin while I sleep. I don't even want to know what they might mean. I wonder what I might dream about tonight.

Mustache rides and gambling.

Just when you thought you had heard it all! I was surprised- nay- shocked at the bar the other night when I made a comment about growing a mustache just so I could give mustache rides. I got blank and confused looks. These people had never heard of a mustache ride?

Someone actually thought I would buy pants from a coupon circular? Wow. Guess someone didn't get the gist of the post.

Hell month is over. Or so I hope. I know there is some cleanup to do but the brunt of the attack is gone. I can ease back towards the normal flow of the business now.

And hopefully back to a normal life again. No more shocking the cat. Well, maybe some stress relievers are better kept.

Wrapped around a bottle

That is what I did last night. I wrapped my brain around a nice bottle of Makers Mark. I needed it. I earned it.

The week has been on the stressful side. Who am I kidding? The week has sucked. I feel like I am teaching kindergarten. I am tired of dealing with people. I sure didn't need for my boss to keep calling me every 10 minutes either.

Yet, the job is not complete yet. 8 hours to go. The only things that keep me sane are my online jukebox and whisky.

After work I headed out to a local eatery to have some drinks. Why we ended up at a restaurant bar I know not. However, it does bring up a bit of drinking advice I feel I must iterate. Because that is why I do. I am a giver. If there is one thing you learn today, I hope these two rules of drinking are it:

1. Mexican food and drinking do not mix.
2. Do not eat Mexican food at a place that is not a Mexican food place

Tacos, burritos, and enchiladas can be tasty but they will impede your progress to getting drunk. Once you have eaten those delicious morsels, they will sit in your stomach and take up precious room for alcoholly goodness. It will take you an hour to finish your beer.

I believe that is the reason tequila was invented. It is like drain cleaner. Well the taste is at least but only tequila will penetrate those refried beans and enter your blood stream.

See, it is bad enough to eat Mexican food and kill your buzz, but it is even worse to eat bad Mexican food. I made that mistake last night. Do not get fooled by the "Mexican Night" special. Stick to the places that have the Mexican sounding names. Anything with "El" or "La" something has got to be good. Not some place that serves any food.

I think it took a good hour for me to get back to drinking right. Of course it didn't hurt that H was pouring a healthly Makers and ginger for me. Amazing how half a can of ginger ale can be stretched over 5 pints. H was also on a Colorado Bulldog kick. Don't ask. I am not sure why.

I do know I woke up with a bit of a buzz and am a little wacked out this morning. The bullshit coming out of my mouth is pretty damn good. I brought my A game. All I need to do is get through the day.

WTF?

It wasn't bad enough that I fell on my ass this morning while leaving the house. As I tried to step over a small patch of ice, I slipped on the edge and went down. Yeah, taking the stairs was the smart way to go but I was being lazy, looking for a shortcut.

It wasn't bad enough that I have a ton of stuff to try and get done at work today (so instead I type up an entry). One major task that probably won't be done by tomorrow. That is mostly out of my hands, yet I will have to take on the task of failure.

But what was bad enough were the stupid polka dots I saw all over this blog when I decided to read some comments. I mean, WTF? Was I seeing things? I shot an email to Gambino and she is all like "no, mine looks fine". Of course I go back and see that blogger has fixed everything.

No I have not been drinking already. Though I wish I was. The day is going to be a hectic one. But I must remember. There is beer at the end of the tunnel.

So even though things weren't all great, I always realize things could be worse. I could be this dolt. Did she really think she could bring a grendae on a plane? And who in the world buys a grenade as a gift for their son? The airline was right to ground her. But watch this one unfold. You will see her union sue their airline and demand she get back pay, a raise, and something for sitting on her ass for a couple of days as a bonus.

Maybe I should get a job at Home Depot. They seemed to be moving towards an anti-social route. The new store had opened over the last couple of weeks and was conveniently located next to to the food store. I had busted my tenant's sink last night trying to fix a leak so I need to get some washers and two nuts. Go ahead, insert joke here. Anyway, I know what I need, but I get a brain freeze on the size just as I walk into the plumbing section. I forget what size the pipes for kitchen sinks (1 1/2 for kitchen, 1 1/4 for bathroom). I am pretty sure it is 1 1/2 but figure I will ask one of the Home Depot experts. If I could find one. There is a girl walking around, doing some stocking but whenever she comes towards me she quickly goes down another aisle. Helpful worker there.

I then decide I will check a kitch sink basket for the size. That will work just as well. But I can't find any. None. I give up the search and go check out. There they have the automated checkout systems. Guess having another person to ignore you is too much. I play with the thing and am soon on my way. The part were correct and the leak is gone.

Wow, that was rather anticlimactic.

Bad day

Work was beyond sucking yesterday. If I could have had a couple drinks during the day I would have been schnockered by the 3. It was that bad.

I sat thinking of way to describe the day. Shitty. Crap. Craptacular. Crappass. Fucking bad. Fucking shitty. Bullshitty. Fucked in the ass with a Bombat. Yeah, I have a way with the English language. I save my creativity for other aspects of life.

When I left work I was thinking if anything could get worse. I was storming down the hall in lower level of parking (it takes about 5 minutes to get from my desk, through the maze that is the building to my truck), I thought I may go straight to the bar and put it all behind me. But then I realized I could let this shit ruin my night or I could say "fuck it!" and put it all behind me. I went home, worked out to relieve stress, ate some pot roast, and then proceeded to play poker and drink. Seagrams 7 and Fresca are ok together. Tolerable.

People, you can let shit drive you insane, or you can let it go and move on with your life. I suggest you think of good and go grab it.

Like 'good boob management'. I don't care where you come from, that's funny. So is Bob. I guess I failed to piss him off yesterday. Instead I got a classic phrase.

I have also learned a couple things over the last couple of days:

• I could win a chance to play football with either Troy Aikman or Boomer Esiason if I bought a lucky box of Cheez Nips or some other crap snack.
• I could buy pants from the Sunday Coupon circular for just $10 (if I bought 3) and never have to worry about them wrinkling.
• I could get a banana tree too.
• If I bought this hair trimmer thing on TV, I would never have to pay for a haircut again. Think of the savings!
• Milwaukee really didn't need a radio station that was dedicated to play Journey or ZZ Top every hour. Thanks for being a suckhole, Hog!
• The majority of my co-workers cannot follow directions. They have been told 3 times what they need to have done by the end of the week, yet they still submit things incorrectly. I am willing to trade vacation days just for an opportunity to smack people upside the head who piss me off.
• A sure sign that someone is insane- they post messages on political forums. These people are beyond being saved.
• I have walked into too many conversations at the wrong time. Phrases like "I was in the closet at the time" and "Take your underwear and shove it" are not things you want to hear when you just wanted some water.
• I will laugh at the next person who complains about gas prices if they also buy bottled water. They have no reason to complain when they are buying something that is free.
• Taking stress out on my cat through shock therapy may be cruel, but it is fun. Nothing like petting a cat to get enough static electricity built up just to zap him in the nose.

I may be heading off to Ho-Chunk on Saturday for some gambling. A little blackjack may be the cure for what ails me. Or maybe I should change jobs. I can be a parole agent and get paid overtime to view porn at work. They couldn't fire me so I would be set for life. Of course I would pity the poor tech guy who would have to fix my keyboard every week.

Now playing in the car: Blink 182, Anthrax, Disturbed, Motley Crue, Helloween, and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

Yes, it is a radical decision

Most won't believe it. You will say it is impossible. But it isn't.

For the record, no one is getting married. No chicks knocked up. No surgeries. Nothing strange. Notice will be posted March 1. Things will change here.

I doubt it will piss Bob off too. I have managed to set him off a couple times lately. I wish I had something to say today that could piss him off but I doubt anything will. Pissing people off with comment or opinions can be great fun. I enjoy it. It brings me joy.

And can't we all use a little more joy in our lives?

Speaking of joy, I started my taxes this past weekend. I was dreading this as I had a feeling I was going to have to pay big time. So far, it is pretty good. But I did notice an error I made last year where I counted my property taxes twice. I may have to go back and amend the return. Or I may just ignore it altogether. Maybe this year I don't drink while doing taxes.

A decision

I made a decision yesterday. One that will have an impact on my life for a period of time. Details will be forthcoming next month.

Yesterday's football games rather sucked. But I think the Super Bowl could be very good this year. I like Seattle catching points. Better offense and their defense is just as good as Pittsburgh. Both teams are playing really good football right now. I just hope the extra week off doesn't kill the momentum both are on.

There was an article in the Journal yesterday that piqued my interest. It was an article about two girls being hit by a train. I recall hearing about this back in November and was surprised to see it in the news again. The medical examiner ruled the deaths a suicide based on testimony from the train engineer and others that were interviewed. But the families are not buying it. They want the death ruling to be changed as they cannot believe their daughters would off themselves.

I agree with the parents. They should change the death ruling from suicide to murder. The girls should be charged with murdering each other. That may shake the parents out of their denial. You failed to see what was going on in your children's lives. You can't change that fact now. Sounds rather selfish on your part now. Like you are trying to collect on an insurance policy. you should spend some more time with the children you still have and make sure this tragedy doesn't happen again. Leave the medical examiner alone. He did his job. You should have done yours.

The difference 24 hours can make

Yesterday at noon, it looked like any fall day may look. Overcast. Brown grass. Dry streets.
Now, there are 4 inches of snow on the ground. Sunny and the streets are slushy as the ice begins to melt.

Just old man winter reminding us it is January. It should be in the 20s and have 8 inches of snow on the ground.

Like most drinkers in the world, I took the opportunity to drive in the snow to Big Mommas to watch hockey and drink 32oz cups of beer. Interesting how more people show up at bars when the snow is coming down hard. Throw your cares to the wind. Forget shoveling or staring the snow blower. Go suck down big beers until they kick you out.

So when the old man next door was shoveling this morning, it was a slap in the face, reminding me of what lay ahead. I cleaned up my sidewalk early and then headed to take care of my mother's. Now that that is done, it is time for my reward. I think I will head out to Hooters for beer and wings. I have worked hard. I need to relax.

L

Boss week is done. I tried to get them to go off for drinks after work but some of them were still in meetings and my boss didn't want to leave them behind.

So I went straight to the bar and started drinking Makers Mark. Had a couple before easing into beer for the night. Makers after a hard days work is the perfect relaxant. Well, beside sex that is, but I wasn't getting any of that so the whisky had to do.

I spent most the day in a meeting downtown. The boss and I were
visiting some clients at their office by the lake. They have a magnificent view of Lake Michigan, perched right above the Milwaukee Art Museum. And I thought I had a nice view where I sit at work.

My boss was wearing this pink fuzzy sweater that was shedding all over the place. There was fuzz flying all over the place. It was a bit distracting for me and was somewhat annoying. But not as annoying at the L on the side of her left breast. At first I thought maybe that is what it meant. Left. But I didn't see an R on the other one so that was wrong. Yeah, she hadn't taken the size sticker off the sweater. But now I was in a conundrum. Do I tell her and if so, how?

If I come out and say something, it sounds like I am looking at her tits. If I don't, she risks embarrassment in front of clients. As she talked and the fuzz kept floating around, I came to a decision. I was going to keep it to myself. My boss is cool and I could have joked about it but decided to say nothing. So she walked around with a L on her boob.

After reading this, the story was much better when I told it to Gambino yesterday. Or maybe it was the drinks.

A booze muffin would kick ass right about now. Instead, since everyone had fun with breakfast and lunch, we can decide what we are drinking tonight. I haven't decided whether to play poker or watch the Badger hockey game. Right now, hockey is winning. If so, it will be a night of Miller Lite. I may sneak in a nice dopplebock first or something a bit heartier to kick off the weekend. One can drink Lite for distance, but a nice Friday beer sounds in order.

What will you be drinking?

Advice day

It was just like Overheard in New York:

Tenant: Did you catch the flu yet?
Me: No
Tenant: Well, you don't want to.

Ah...yeah. Scratch that off my to do list.

So after receiving such great advice like that, I have decided to pass along some of my own. See, I rarely get sick. If I do it is usually gone in 2 days. I may miss half a day of work tops. Either my immune system was stolen from Superman or I have effectively pickled my insides with booze.

My advice to you is the guaranteed cure for the common cold. Slam it with alcohol. I am not joking here. Feel a cold coming on? Follow these rules

1. Drink two shots of your favorite booze before going to sleep. It cannot be anything wimpy like Peach Schnapps. Though Dr. McGillicuddy's is acceptable. But I recommend whisky or brandy.
2. First thing in the morning, after getting out of bed, do another shot. Seriously. This is very important. You must do a shot immediately. Don't brush your teeth, don't take a shower, do not pass Go- unless your liquor cabinet is on the other side of Go.
3. Before going to bed on the second night, do another 2 shots.
   
4. Repeat in morning if necessary. Or if you simply want to do another shot.

This will kill the cold quickly. Works every time. The only problem I have ever heard of it not working is when people do not do the morning shot.

Speaking of shots, I forgot to mention my grand idea yesterday. This would work well for Greek restaurants and bakeries. Yesterday I mentioned how the muffin loaf would have tasted better with some booze on it. Well, why not offer that as a late night dessert? You take a muffin from earlier in the day, rip the top off and pour a shot on it. Amaretto on a chocolate chip muffin. Whisky on a banana muffin. Rum on a chocolate muffin. Don't you want one now?

Back to some advice. I have documented some of my dealing with moronic drivers already. Now you get some advice on how I like to deal with them. I have adapted this from my friend Mark. He mentioned this move to me years ago and I have toyed and adjusted it to my own style. This morning, I was stuck behind some guy who was doing the speed limit in the left lane. He would speed up to 60 but come right back down. There was no traffic in front of him. At first, I got up on his ass because of a lane change. My headlights lit up his bald spot pretty well. So as he accelerated up, I did too. But then the bastard slowed down, putting me right on his ass again. He then made mistake number one. He touched his brakes, the international symbol of "I am a pussy driver, stop tailgating me or I will cry". Don't do that. That is wrong. Besides, that puts my into poker driving mode. You showed weakness. I will exploit that weakness. I have tasted blood and want to go for the kill.

Next he made the first of two dick moves. The first was is beyond stupid and is just plain selfish. Right by the stadium, where the stated speed limit jumps from 50 to 55, he thought he would piss me off by slowing down- to 40! This is an extremely childish maneuver. I didn't get mad, but I am sure the 6 vehicles behind me who had to slow down because of this ass clown weren't happy. They may react like I do in a situation like this. I always look ahead to see who the asshat is that just fucked up traffic. That is the one I will be upset with. If they had a chance to get out of their cars and beat the shit out of someone, it wouldn't be me. So, he not only failed to get me mad, he could have caused an accident behind me. People, don't be a dick like this jagoff.

So after slowing down, he takes off. Well, I figure I will now screw with this guy. I don't have push the pedal to the metal to catch this dope. I get back up to speed and soon am back on his ass again. I aim my headlights to his side mirror, something I hate being on the receiving end of when I drive the Mustang. He then pull out dick move #2. He hits his brakes hard. If only I had a piece of shit car. I would ram into him. But I didn't. I was prepared for something like this. This dropped him down to 45 so I was back on his ass.

I can tolerate one dick move but not two without some kind of reaction. I laid on my horn to show some displeasure (yeah...displeasure is an accurate word). Being the Mensa member he is, he gave me the finger. Original *eye roll*. He then sped up and finally changed into the center lane, freeing up traffic. As I passed him, I could tell he was looking to say something and give another gesture. Here is where my advice to you comes in. As I passed, I applauded him. Yes, I held my hands up high and clapped. This pissed him off more. I thought the finger was coming through the glass.

So kids, never let the donks tick you off. Be happy, smile and give them some applause, a thumbs up, or something. This will really get them madder than they already are. And remember, don't be the dick.

And go check out some of the new links I put up. Just some of the stuff I have started reading and enjoying.

Best muffin loaf I ever had

But I couldn't help but think that maybe some amaretto or rum poured over it would make it taste even better. The Italians had it right with the tiramisu. Booze soaked cake is good.

I wasn't quite sure what exactly the loaf was at first either. It looked bread-like but it had a bunch of chocolate chips on it. There was another loaf that had apples on it too. Once I cut into it, I realized that is was basically muffin mix but in a loaf pan. Me, being a lover of muff(in), couldn't help but dig in. And it was good.

The suckling of ass wasn't too bad for Day 1. Hoping Day 2 isn't nauseating either.

Can someone tell me what an "upscale" comedy club is? That is the line being used by a new place in Milwaukee. I want to know exactly what makes it "upscale". Is there a dress code there? Do they charge you 4 dollars more for a drink instead of 2? Does it not look like a hole in the wall? I believe it is "upscale" because it is next to the "Las Vegas" style strip club.

Since everyone wanted to toss in their favorite cereals yesterday, today we shall tackle lunch. On the menu today is Homemade Meatloaf. I will have to find out exactly whose home it was made in. I may skip the loaf and go with a big salad loaded with bacon and turkey. As for you, what are you eating for lunch?

Just a passing thought

A bowl of Life cereal would be really good right now. Regular, not cinnamon.

Need to think of something good as the ass kissing has begun. If I hear one moer "awww!" while someone looks at a picture of a someone's kid, I will puke.

Boss Week

The weekend was spent in good fashion. The party at a friends house was nice even though the poker game went too long and my dog allergy kicked in. A SnG should not take 3 hours. Just shouldn't last that long. Next time I will not be such a dolt and take some drugs first.

Speaking of dolts, let's talk about those guys in Indianapolis. Anyone need Super Bowl tickets? I am sure there are plenty available in Indiana now. Shocking how, of all kickers, Vanderjadt (who cares about the spelling after that kick) missed one. Wow! After the Steelers screwed up too. Amazing.

Meanwhile, the Panthers showed what everyone outside of Chicago already knew. The Bears aren't that good. The bubble burst on the most over-rated "dynasty" Patriots team. Again, not that good but the media liked to hype them up.

The Seahawks put a smile on this Cowboys fan's face with their win. They may have some of the best linebackers in football, though I am not sure they are as fast as the Broncos' one guy.

In the end, the oncoming championship games should be good ones. Of all the teams left, I think Seattle can take it, but they need a healthy Alexander to do so. The Broncos are better than the Steelers and will confuse them with those blitzes. But of all the QBs left, I think Hasselbeck is the best. Put a great RB in the backfield with him and they can go. All they need is for the receivers to catch the ball.

The honchos are in town this week. My boss, her boss, my old bosses's boss and another guy are all coming in to Milwaukee. I don't mind as I like my boss. She is a good person on and off the job. She is very intelligent, knows her shit, and takes an easy going approach to her position. She also has the ability to turn her authority on and off, like a light switch. You know when she is dead serious (only when she has to be) about something and that you do not joke about a reply. I like that. I respect that. But most of the time when we talk we are each tossing out jokes left and right. So the week will not be bad for me.

But the downside is I will have to put up with sniveling from others. When the bosses come to town, the weasels show their true colors. I am in for a week of extra laughing at bad jokes, more "I can help you" that normal, and the fake busy routines. I can't stand people who are afraid of just doing what they do and being themselves. But my reward for putting up with the assjackets is a good meal at a nice restaurant (not sure which one yet), and some free booze. I likey the booze part.

At the most, I may need to come up with some ideas on where they should eat. Off to OnMilwaukee I go.

Thanks, I needed that!

The beer was mighty tasty last night. After coming in 4th in a tournament (tidy $200 profit) at a smoker, I headed out to a housewarming party with a good buzz already going.

The party was good. The Italian dude was drunk and I think puking in the front yard when I arrived. I grabbed a nice honey lager out of the fridge. I wish I could remember who made it. It was damn good. Honey lagers will fuck you up. A really nice beer to drink, especially during the summer. Unfortunately, one is all I would get at the party.

I took a look around the house. It was ok. Rooms were too small for my own taste. The host did have a nice shot dispenser in the kitchen. I quickly played with it, downing some Jack. I gave account of my game to Corey and shot the shit with some people from work. I put some dial-a-shots out there but got voicemails.

One of my friends wanted breakfast so I agreed to share my good fortune and buy when the party was basically done. Everyone who has someone was going home to fuck so the party died at 2.

I soon found myself driving in search of a George Webbs. The only one that was close was closed. WTF? That just ain' t right! We had to settle for a Greek restaurant instead. I burned the top of my mouth when the food arrived. It feels really nice and raw right now.

While we were eating, I took the time to piss off my liberal friend Cyndi. She is a smart woman but just can't seem to articulate her thoughts so she doesn't debate well. To set her off, I simply said that George Bush is in a position to go down as one of the best presidents we have had. Yeah, you can say the same for all presidents (well, except Carter who was a total failure), but I pointed out that there were some tough situations for him to tackle in his terms and that he has handled most well. There are some issues I think he has done poorly at but overall if you look at the economy and the world (I love it when people say his foreign policy has been a flop. Look at the Mid East and how democracy is beginning to catch on), he has done pretty good. I told her to stop looking at what the media wants us to know and look around for other sources. You can learn more by doing so.

Somewhere around 3 I crawled into bed. I had a good night, except for burning my mouth. Let's see if we can top it tonight.

I never did get that beer yesterday

One thing led to another and then another and then I was at the final table. I had led or been in the top 3 for most of the tournament. But I went out 9th when I didn't catch cards in the last hour. Oh well. Snakes on a plane.

Which meant that I never did make it out for a beer yesterday. Milwaukee hit a balmy 54 degrees yesterday. WTF? That just means the global warming freaks will start blowing more hot air. My response to them is it happens. Yesterday's high wasn't even the record. The record is 60 which was set back in 1870 I think. Was there a global warming issue back then? Too many candles being burnt? Who was keeping those records back then too?

I did get a laugh out of the weather report yesterday. You know how the weather guy will go to local schools to teach the kids about weather. They will get shot of the class all happy because they are going to be on TV. There was one poor kid in the classroom wearing a tie. I shit you not! This poor schlep was forced to wear a tie to school all because some weatherman was going to be there? I would be that they did all this in the morning because you knew he was getting teased for wearing a tie and was going to be in a fight at recess. Still, what parent makes a kid (3rd grade mind you) wear a tie because some weather hack is coming to your school?

I never did get a response back from the Hog man. Guess he wasn't serious about listening to what people wanted to hear. Instead he will keep playing the J Geils Band. Like that belongs on a rock station. What will end up happening is the station will get a slight boost in the ratings for a quarter or two and then slump again. Milwaukee radio will continue to be in a suckhole. And I will continue to listen to my cds or to Music Choice on cable.

Tonight I intend to play some poker at a church. Not sure if it is a fundraiser or not but there is potentially some good money involved. I also hear there is good food too and all the beer I care to drink until they kick me out. Sweeeeeeeet!

Oh, there is also one more driver to add to the list of Shitty Drivers. The jerkoff who cannot use the on ramp to accelerate to freeway speed and merge properly. They are the opposite of the ass who doesn't let you merge. The putter along and wait until the last couple of feet to move into the lane. You even slow down to let them in, but the asswipe slows down too. WTF? It is bad enough this person will get up to 40mph before hitting traffic but you have to be stuck behind them.

The dream that was not to be told

Where to start today? I had a weird, but great dream last night. Now if only I could remember it. It was better than the one I had the other night with the swimming snakes (no, not on a plane) that acted like cats and didn't eat the baby. Damn. I swear it was good.

I have updated the Shitty Driver list. I had omitted two others that deserve mention. The Wig point out one. The clown who speeds up when you are trying to merge from the on ramp or if you are trying to change lanes. Like it is the end of the fucking world to let a car in.

The other is the person who must keep at least 10 car lengths between them and the car in front of theirs. This sucks when traffic is backed up. It looks like there is no one in front of them for a mile. You feel like you are waiting in a slow moving line, which no one likes. You then watch traffic from another lane pass them and move into the empty space and get somewhere. I am not saying them need to be on the other car's ass, but there is no need for them to be so far back.
I could really go for a nice morning beer. A nice oatmeal stout would hit the spot right about now. I do not know what it is but I feel like I haven't had a beer in ages.

So the Packers may be announcing their new head coach today. *begin sarcasm* Just from a glance, it looks like they picked a real winner. They hired the coordinator of the worst of the offense in the NFC. Oh wait. The worst in the NFL. But let's give him some credit. He was middle of the pack in 2004 with the Saints and just about in the upper third of the league in 2003. Oh wait. That is a downward trend. But at least they are grabbing someone from a successful program. *end sarcasm*

That is good news for the Cowboys for now. One less team trying to take a young coordinator in Payton. Better yet, they passed on Brown's coordinator Maurice Carthon. I wasn't happy to see him leave the Cowboys this year as I think he may be the man to take over for Parcells in two years. Hopefully he will still be around.

My Shitty Driver list got me to thinking also. Besides thinking I could still use that morning beer, it reminded me of my first attempt at a website. This was years ago before the term "blog" was ever created. I had a Geocities page titled "What's pissing me off". I may just bring some of that back. No not the old content. I don't have that. I wish I had some of that. I had chronicled my story of Psycho Tenant there as well as some other generally weird things. It would be interesting to read to see what I was doing then.

Back to work for now.

No road rage here. Really

A bit back, the Rooster commented earlier that I have some road rage issues. I don't Joaquin. I really don't. I just don't have much patience for stupid drivers (Out of curiosity, being a New Yorker, do you have a driver's license? I always wonder if most New York residents have a license or learn to drive). I hate the people that have no consideration for others on the road. I was taught in drivers ed. to stay right if you are going slow, pass on the left, and keep up with the flow of traffic even if they are going above the speed limit. I expect this of other drivers as well.

But there are too many self-absorbed people on the road who do not think like I. And they piss me off. The other day, I was stuck behind some dingleberry yapping on a cell phone. He weaved a bit and just about crossed over into my lane twice into my truck. When he did, I thought "people talking on cell phones have just moved to the top of my list of hated drivers". But did I have a list? Well, somewhat. So to ensure I didn't pull a gun on the next goofball driver, I decided to give you the list instead. See Rooster. No rage here.

1. Driver talking on cell phone- Watch this person the next time you are on the road. They cannot keep their speed constant nor can they stay in one lane. No wonder I am all for a law against talking on the phone while driving unless it is a hands free set.
2. Old person driving the speed limit- Oh, they are driving the speed limit if you are lucky. The real problem is this person is always in the left lane, holding up traffic. They are oblivious to what is going on around them. Probably listening to Lawrence Welk on the radio too.
3. Person speeding up when you try to pass them- Possibly the biggest asshole on the road. You know this guy. He is doing like 58 in a 55 zone. You want to get around him but can't because of traffic. When you finally get clearance, you give him a chance to change lanes, but he doesn't. So when you move to get by him, the prick is suddenly Dale Earnhardt and doing 70 to prevent you from passing. If only, I could pull my car to the left and put this assclown into the wall....
4. Person changing lanes for no apparent reason that causes you to slow down- One of the problems with the Milwaukee freeway system is there are too many left lane exits. People always feel the need to be "in that lane because my exit is ahead" even though said exit is 5 MILES AWAY! Or you get the idiot that suddenly decides "Hey, I want to be in left lane now. The car ahead of me is about 30 car lengths in front but I am going about 2 mph faster and may be passing him in the next 10 minutes so I better change lanes now, even though the vehicle in the left lane behind me is doing 10 mph fast than I am". You then find yourself moving around this dipwad because of his own selfishness.
5. Driver who slows down in front of you as you are trying to get just ahead of the vehicle in the next lane that you want to change into- This is the old passing move. Traffic on the left or right (where you want to end up) is slow so you are hoping to get in ahead of the bus or semi. Of course the guy in front of you slows down just when you are about to get some clearance forcing you to now squeeze you way in behind the truck (Note: Never squeeze your way in front of the truck. Don't piss truckers off. Plus, that vehicle crashing is damn dangerous). Then of course they change into that lane as well at the last minute.
6. Person who drives slow then changes lanes only after you passed them- Hey buddy, you could have simply changed lanes before I passed you. Don't be a dick and make me move around you.
7. Driver who is “policing the area” themselves. They do the speed limit next to another car to control the overall speed on the road- A girl I knew told me about her mother and her driving. She would do the speed limit and purposely drive next to a car doing the same speed to prevent other drivers from speeding. Listen lady, unless you have Highway Patrol stamped on your doors, you have no business pulling this shit. Stay right and let me get through.
8. Car with all the crazy political bumper stickers- This is more of an honorable mention. If you have more than 3 bumper stickers on your car, you are crazy. I don't care whicpoliticalal party you are in favor of (those most are moonbats), if you like to hunt, or love sex with your Labradoror, don't put that stuff on your car. It shows you are a lunatic.
9. The clown who speeds up when you are trying to merge from the on ramp or if you are trying to change lanes- This is just simply being a total asshole. Like it is the end of the fucking world to let a car in.
10. The person who must keep at least 10 car lenghts between them and the car in front of theirs- This sucks when traffic is backed up. It looks like there is no one in front of them for a mile. You feel like you are waiting in a slow moving line, which no one likes. You then watch traffic from another lane pass them and move into the empty space and get somewhere. I am not saying them need to be on the other car's ass, but there is no need for them to be so far back.
11. The driver who does not use the on ramp to accelerate to freeway speed and merge properly- They are the opposite of the ass who doesn't let you merge. The putter along and wait until the last couple of feet to move into the lane. You even slow down to let them in, but the asswipe slows down too. WTF? It is bad enough this person will get up to 40mph before hitting traffic but you have to be stuck behind them.

And now for something completely different:

I was getting a lot of work done yesterday when I heard that sound. It was the gurgle of a baby. Oh great, the no longer pregnant girl brought her baby in to work for all the other women to gush over. Heaven help me! Why must mothers bring these damn kids to work? Next thing you know all the hens are over making noise, wanting to hold the thing. They blocked an entire aisle with this nonsense. People, keep the kids at home. Don't bring those germ factories in here. Do you put them on display at a zoo? No. So don't do it at work.

The So Wrong Thought of the Day is also attributed to the baby. See, the mother has a lazy eye. I kinda did want to take a look at the kid cuz I wondered if they would have that one eye looking off to nowhere.

Yeah, I am going to hell. So what?

Right back at ya Hoggy

Before I get to to my response to the Head Hog, I have something I need to get off my chest. It can't be just me that thinks this, but are commercials getting progressively stupid, freaky, assholish? There are a number of them that are either creepy, pompous, or just plain stupid.

Lets start with creepy. The Nextel commercials with the guys dancing in their office. How gay can you get? No man in their right mind would be caught dead doing that. If you are offended by that comment then too bad. I am not politically correct. I have no clue if any gay people read the site either. If they do, please don't take it personally. In fact, give me a better phrase to use. The commercial just weirds me out.

On to pompous, rub-your-face-in-all-the-money-I-have commercial. Samsung flat screen TVs featuring Dan Marino. Let's watch Dan parade around his house and show you all the expensive TVs he can hang up because money is not an issue to him. Hey people, I am rich, you aren't. I can have a TV in my closet. By the staircase. Over the toilet. Over the bidet. On the ceiling of the bedroom surrounded by mirrors. On my garbage can. Each dog has their own TV hanging from their balls as well so they can watch TV as they lick themselves. Then, to show how much better he is, he tells us of his "exclusive" club for QBs only. Ok, now maybe Dan Marino doesn't live like this and some of you are saying it is just a commercial. But think of how it can come off. Some dipshit at Samsung thought this was cute. If this is a screaming reason for Miller to bring back the athletes and the Tastes Great, Less Filling slogan once again, I do not what is.

Finally, the just plain stupid. Let's give the award to Taco Bell. I'm full of your cheap food. For my $5, I got me 37 tacos that contained maybe a quarter pound of meat, 50 heads of lettuce, and 1/2 cup of cheese and a tomato. Oh, and a chili cheese burrito. Now I can say goofily (hey, new word!) when I am the principal to my kids, "I'm full" and rub my stomach. I think the actor may have just killed his career with that one. But he probably gets a discount at the Bell now.

Also, Harry Belafonte can kiss my ass. No, this is not a political rant. I just thought his comment about how "not hundreds, not thousands, but millions of Americans support Hugo Chavez" was so idiotically funny. Can you stretch the truth a bit more? I bet not even half of a million people can tell you who Hugo Chavez is.

I have a new list to put up, but not right now. One because I haven't actually listed it yet, and two, I should really do some work now. But I will leave you with this thought and my response to the Hog Man:
From the Oh so wrong thought of the day file- Saw a car yesterday with a bumper sticker that read "I love my Labrador". My initial reaction was I guess that is why you have two big tubs of peanut butter in your car.

Yeah, I am that sick. Hog out!

Hoggy,
Thanks for your response. First let me say I like you attitude.
Second, it should be know that I am not "predisposed to thinking that we're going
to suck". If I did, I would just change the station and not listen. I never did
say I would stop listening.

The problem is that you had a chance to be
unique to Milwaukee rock radio. Some WLUM has done it. No one is playing only
alternative rock like they are. The Hog had a chance to carve their niche. It
sounded like they would. But as I mentioned, you soften up and started playing
the buzzkill music the Brew plays. You also started to raid Classic Hits 96
KLH's playlist as well. While the classic rock is good, there is a difference
between a Led Zeppelin and the Eagles. One has balls, the other flies. Why did
you even start playing the same stuff you can hear on those other stations?

You wanted songs? How some hard stuff. I am not talking more Metallica
either. How about Anthrax, Indians. Or Pantera, Cowboys from Hell. Old Megadeth
like Wake up Dead would be nice. Exodus singing the Toxic Waltz. Slayer, Angel
of Death. Is there a copy of any Helloween cd in the building? Mix some thrash
into what you are playing. There is an audience in Milwaukee for this. Thrash
Thursday may go over big (copyright that one to me).

Also, rarely playing a band like Iron Maiden, Def Leppard or Night Ranger does not count as playing them. Once every other day does not constitute playing their music. You can play just about any of the "hair bands" and it would be good. Even the
lesser know ones like Y&T (Summertime Girls), Junkyard (Hollywood), or
Dangerous Toys (Ten Boots Stompin)

There also seems to be an absence of new music. We hear enough Nickelback. What happened to Papa Roach, Saliva, Sevendust, or Disturbed? There are more new bands than Audioslave.

My main beef was and still is that you are playing music we can hear on other
stations in Milwaukee. Be unique and play something that is different. And
please get rid of the commercials of people calling in. Stupid comments from
people who just want to hear themselves on the radio is embarrassing.

Have a great day and rock on!

That was sent on Sunday, no response as of Monday night.

I'll drink to that!

Justice was served. And now those who filed the bogus lawsuit are gonna pay.

Or at least that is how it appears. Some parents in Colorado tried to take advantage of the court system by suing some prominent liquor companies. Coors, Brown Foreman (think Jack Daniels), Bacardi, Diageo (Cuervo, Baileys, etc.), Heineken, and others were sued because underage kids had obtained and consumed the product. Ok, I don't have to be nice about it. The kids got illegally drunk. So of course the parents blame the companies and their advertising saying it targets kids. Hmm....this seemed to work against the cigarette companies, why not try it against the spirits industry.

Well, the problem is, there was no merit to the case and it was thrown out. Slight problem for the parents though. The court awarded the booze businesses legal fees. You sued, they incurred a cost to defend themselves, you pay. Nice!

Better yet, Jack Daniels wants his cash. Yes, the companies have now filed suit against the plaintiffs to pay up. The cost is around $350k.

Needless to say I think this is freakin' awesome. Being against stupid lawsuits, precedents need to be set to prevent these from being filed again and again. In this particular case, the parents in question didn't even allege it was their own kids getting hooched or that they suffered an injury because of the tasty liquor. Come on here. Who the hell are these people to sue for something that didn't even affect them.

It is about time a defendant slapped back. Maybe now the attorneys will learn not to make a case out of an empty shot glass.

Frayed ends of sanity

Hear them calling me.

It cannot be a good thing to be at work for 2 hours and feel like you are going crazy. I feel like all those around me are the biggest dumbfucks in the world. They are pushing me closer to the edge. No, not the postal edge, but the “where’s the bottle?” edge.

And I get to experience this 4 times a year.

It is not a difficult process that these co-workers need to do. They need to fill out forms, list some information, and send it in. Each quarter we make changes so it is even easier for them to handle. But in our effort to simplify everything, we may have dummied it down too much.

For this quarter we require them to list information so we can confirm what we have is accurate. In our announcement, we specifically mentioned that fact. So of course, only 30% follow directions and accurately complete the forms correctly. Actaully, 30% may be high balling it a bit.

The funny part is people get mad at me because they either didn’t read the email, the instructions on the forms, or they are lazy to complete them. They will submit other things that we already have which takes them more time to do then simply filling out the form the correct way. My guess is half the people read the email from beginning to end. We will need to send a follow up out now, which will probably be ignored as well.

I also cannot send out nasty emails telling these idiots how stupid they are. Boss won’t let me. Is it too much to ask to allow me to smack just a couple of these people upside the head? Just the really dumb ones? They should let me trade a day off for smacking two people around. That would feel like a vacation in itself.

I guess I picked a bad week to give up sugar. Yeah, I gave up sugar last week actually. All kinds, even the fake stuff. I also gave up anything with sugar in it, including the fake stuff too. I have read a number of times that the body treats the fake stuff like it is real sugar. So why bother with it? I can say that my coffee doesn’t taste as good without the Sweet & Low but such is life. No sodas either.

I actually have begun drinking some green tea because that seems trendy. It is loaded with antioxidants. Don’t have a clue what that means but it sounds good. Also some is just one, not a bunch. I am also thinking of what kind of booze may go good with it. A little whisky may make it even better.

I did write up a response and send it off to the Hog man. I will post that later as I have it at home.

Now I must go back to work and hopefully not kill anyone.

10:07
I just recalled a conversation I had with this kid on Saturday. He had broken his jaw a month ago (sports injury I believe) and it was still wired shut. He was happy that he had only one more week until it was healed. He mentioned that the first thing he was going to do was get plastered. I looked at him and asked why he wasn't drinking now. If you are on a liquid diet, drinking shouldn't be much of an issue unless he is on pain medication still (which I would say he is a wuss for). The kids said he wanted to get totally messed up. I asked what was wrong with just drinking to get a good buzz going, why do you need to get totally fucked up? He looked at me like I was crazy and asked what was the point of that. I mentioned he could have been drinking all this time. Again, blank look from him.

Someone then pointed out if he drank too much now and puked, he could die. I inquired if he was a puker. This time I got an angry, insulted look back. Again, I said he could still be drinking even though his jaw is wired shut.

In the end I felt sorry for the kid. If you think drinking is all about getting totally wasted so you cannot walk, then you are missing the point. Don't whine to me about not being able to enjoy a beer or cocktail when you can. You don't need to drink to excess. When I go out to drink, I go to have a good time with friends. If I get plastered, it is something that happens when I am having a good time. I don't go out on a mission. Maybe someday he will grow out of that.

A response from the Head Hog

Hey! Got a response from the Head Hog on the email I sent. Take a read:

Well, if you think that Milwaukee radio in general is a "suck hole" as you say,
then you're predisposed to thinking that we're going to suck. You state
that we used to play "Motley Crue, Deep Purple, Bon Jovi, AC/DC,Aerosmith, Led
Zeppelin, Iron Maiden, Kiss, Night Ranger", and we still do--even more than when
we launched. So if I'm reading you right, you're offended by some of the
softer stuff we play. But what you haven't told me is what you'd rather
hear, song for song, given that we DO play the bands you mentioned-- a
lot. Hit me back with song titles so I have a better idea of what you're
after.
Head Hog

I will be writing out a response sometime on Sunday or Monday night. I must say that I give him credit for standing up for what he is doing. I like the attitude. He replied without getting too defensive as well. There are a couple items that may be misrepresented such as my being "disposed to think they are going to suck". I am not predisposed at all. I am disappointed that a good thing is being ruined as they imitate their main competition. They had a chance to be unique in Milwaukee radio and are in the process of blowing it.

Just my opinion. Well, others as well as I have seen.

The suck hole that is Milwaukee radio

Milwaukee radio has always been bad. There have always been moments were it was encouraging that it would get better, but it always reverted to being suck hole. Things were shooken up when the Brew began broadcasting. It was a nice change of pace. More 80s music. But the problem was the sound wasn't hard enough. They played some hair bands, but I wanted some more. So when Lazer went away and the Hog came on. Things sounded pretty damn good. But alas, the suck hole opened up and drew things back to the status quo. The Hog has been playing a lot of what the Brew plays. Just not the pop music. But they haven't stayed true to their word to play the best hard rock without the wimpy stuff.

So, rather than sit back and be quiet, I wrote the "Head Hog" a letter with my thoughts. I present it here for you observation.

Back in August when you changed formats, I was hoping the station would get
better. You had gotten Lazer into the rut of playing Metallica twice an hour and
more at night. You play whatever band was playing the Rock Stage at Summerfest
for 2 weeks and then rarely again. There was a lot hype over new bands that were
one hit wonders while ignoring some of the great music you used to play. While
the Dee Snyder's House of Hair was sounding great, you were playing the same
crap again and again.

But then the Brew came to town and started kicking
your ass. Started stealing your listeners because they played what people wanted
to hear. Yes, I switched over to hear the 80s rock. Yet the Brew wasn't that
great either because they played some crap as well (really, who wants to hear
the Starship sing We Built this City?). Too much 80s pop, not enough rock.

So when the Hog came along, it sounded like a gift from heaven. The Hog
was playing some great music. Motley Crue, Deep Purple, Bon Jovi, AC/DC,
Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, Iron Maiden, Kiss, Night Ranger, and the right amount
of Metallica. It was great hard rock from the 80s plus the best of the 70s and
90s. But unfortunately, things would change.

It may have started when
you copied the Brew and their commercials. It was bad enough they would make
tesitmonial commercials with drunk people saying stupid things just to hear
their voice on the radio. That was a terrible concept to mimic.

Then you
had to make it sound like you were playing something different. And you were. At
first. But it was changing. The Hog was going soft.

The Merry Kissmas
and Happy Crue Year were good ideas, but they couldn't cover up the other music
you were beginning to slip us. Suddenly we were getting Styx ballads. Peter
Gabriel? The Police? The Smithereens? John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band?
Eddie Money? It was like you raided the Brew's playlist! Next thing you know you
will be welcoming these bands to town.

What happened to the hard rock? I
am scared that you will play Phil Collins next. You probably have a new version
of Sussidio readly to go. Or even John Mellencamp. No, wait, you are playing
that crap!

The Hog is playing the same music as the Brew. Some change.
Way to bring Milwaukee radio back to the suck hole that it is.

StB
Milwaukee, WI


p.s. This will also be posted online for others to
see. I look forward to a response.
www.whiledrinking.blogspot.com

Same problems across the lake

I think the disease that has been Milwaukee radio is spreading. Bob has the same problem. After reading his radio dilemma, you may- nay- will say to yourself, "that sounds like the radio station I listen to".

The crap ass music they play is only part of the problem. The reason it will not get any better is because the station manager is being told he is doing a good job. Yes, someone is probably patting the guy on the back at the Hog because of the change they made.

Sidenote: Get rid of the "new station" commercials. It has been 5 months already. We know of the change. Who are you trying to inform, the hick from Kansas (no not you Head- not trying to imply you have any hickness in you but the people around you in your piece of hell) who heard the station once on their way to a brewery tour? WE KNOW YOU ARE NOT LAZER!

But someone must ask, has he done a good job? I would answer no. I am assuming it is the same guy that ran Lazer (from what I had heard), but let's look at why he has failed. First, he got beat by another station. Yes, the Brew stole listeners. It is in the ratings. Second, he ran Lazer into the ground by playing Metallica twice an hour, plus for half hours at a time with Mandatory Metallica (what was so mandatory about Metallica in 2001-2005? Nothing! And this comes from a guy who likes them, has seen them live numerous times) as well as music he thought would be hip in Milwaukee. Third, he changed the format to a harder rock just to slowly imitate the station that was beating him. Hell, if it wasn't for Bob and Brian in the morning, few people would listen to the Hog.

Yeah, I am complaining but hear me out. The Hog had a good thing going. You would hear good music, stuff you could jam to, without the buzzkill song every 4th song. Now they decided to imitate the buzzkill play as well. Last thing I want to hear after Rush, Ted Nugent, and Tesla is Donny frickin' Iris.

Makes me glad I have the 6 banger CD player in my truck. There I can listen to White Zombie, Dangerous Toys, or Motley when I want. I also listen to Music Choice at home on cable. No commercial interruptions and when they say they play hard rock they play hard rock. No pop rock interruptions. Well, except may Europe. I also migrate over to the heavy metal channel because it is uncensored. Ok, that doesn't matter but I wonder why they need to point out that they heavy metal is uncensored. That is like their own warning label.

You have a choice about radio. You can change the station, listen to better music, or be a lemming and accept whatever they shove at you. We live in a society were people want to be rewarded for mediocrity. It happens all the time in sports. It happens in business. And it happens in radio.

Yet, some guy who still has his mullet and an original Kiss Destroyer tour shirt, that though faded he still wears, will call up the station after getting home from the bar and tell the Hog they rock because they played Detroit Rock City. That recording will become a promo for the station and "evidence" to his superiors that the station manager has done a good job.

And the crap radio will live on.

Now, onto other things. I saw the sun. No, seriously. It was out. I know because it hurt my eyes. Of course that lasted a whole 5 minutes before the clouds came back.

Make them stop, mommy! Make them stop!

I was flipping through the channels last night looking for something to watch. It was a choice between ‘Frazier’ and the news.

Or so I thought.

When I first saw it, I knew my channel surfing was over. This was a catastrophe about to happen. A trainwreck was about to unfold before my eyes. Morbid fascination mode kicked in. There was no way I could change the channel. My eyes were locked and my fingers frozen.

I could not believe what I was watching. It was painful. The bodies convulsed back and forth like they had drinken the Kool Aid. The music was abominable. Who are the bastards that forced these poor kids to wear those clothes? Tears came to my eyes and I found myself saying “Save them. Let this horrid affair be over!” This was more tragic than what had happened to the miners in West Virginia.

But it only got worse. Next thing I knew they were playing ‘Beat It’ by Michael Jackson. When the USC Trojans Marching Band started playing music by the child molestor, I just about killed myself rather than live through this torture.

It was the single more horrific, yet funny and geekiest thing I have ever seen.

I am not even sure I know where to begin. Maybe with the outfit they were wearing. It was like Superman walked into a bar in the wrong neighborhood in San Francisco. What is with the capes? But to totally get the geek look, let’s add the sunglasses under the Trojan helmet.

Plus, this band looked pretty chunky out there. I am not talking about the tuba players either. All tuba players need to be big. It is a rule. But flute players? I thought one guy was trying to eat a pretzel rod out there. That or he was gnawing at his fingers because they were playing Beat It.

Yes, Beat It. Who thought this was a good idea? Let’s play a song that is over 20 years old that sucked then and sucked now. Let’s remind everyone in California of the most famous pedophile in the world.

But it get’s worse than that. The band even acted out the fight scene from the video. I shit you not! At the point of where Eddie Van Halen throws his career away with a guitar solo, where the video has the gangstas knife fighting, some of the sax players laid down their horns and acted like they were having the knife fight. When they stopped, they then grabbed their crotches and did a couple of thrusts before going back to playing.

WTF was that? I proceeded to laugh myself to sleep. Even beyond the music they were playing, I didn’t think they sounded good at all. Maybe it was the sound at it was broadcasted over television. It didn’t help to have a cameraman on the ground getting close-ups of individual marchers either. When they did, you clearly heard just the part they were playing, which messed up the sound a whole.

Yes, the train wreck was something to see. It is sights like this that lead me to drink. More.

Let Judge Wapner handle this

Like most sensible people, I hate frivolous court cases. I despise people who use the legal system to cheat innocent people or businesses. I despise the lawyers who seek out possible defendants and then build a case for them. But I do not want to get started on that one. Or the guy suing Wal-Mart because his wife kidnapped in their parking lot. Like that is their fault.

I meant to comment on this clown last week. Simply put, this guy ran onto the field during a Browns/Steelers game 2 weeks ago. He got slammed to the ground and arrested. I was shocked the guy was pleading not guilty. You are caught on videotape doing this. How do you think you are not guilty? Of course, he blamed alcohol (bastard!). But instead of being a man about it, he took the coward’s way out. He took a court date and then changed his plea to no contest. What a dolt!

Then there is everyone’s favorite seafaring football team. All the parties involved have plead not guilty. This will attempt to make its way through the court system. The players will win, as there is very little evidence against them. The *ahem* performers will not talk. Hell, they can’t even identify them. Of course the players will not speak either or they would incriminate themselves.

But what harm was done on the boats? Employees claim they were “fearful for their safety”. How? Why cuz you thought you might have to blow Culpepper too? They only harm I see is that the boat owners should have been told what kind of party was going on. They could then decide to reject the business. If any damage was done to the boats, the players pay and they get no money back. So what if they had sex on a lake. People are probably doing that all summer. Get over it!

I keep walking by some of the orphaned Christmas cookies that are laying about. I fight the tempation to grab one each time as I go by. Actually it isn't that hard. They are the crappy cookies that no one wants anyways. Just a matter of time before someone makes the move and tosses them away.

2005 year in review

Well, if I remember parts of it, I would do a year in review but no one wants to read that crap anyway. Go to archives you dipshit.

I did establish a goal yesterday. Not for 2006 mind you. No, this one is for when I turn 60, liver allowing. After watching an episode of Monk on Sunday, I have decided that when I get older, I will go for the "crazy eyebrows old man look". I will allow my eyebrows to grow out and upward like all the old crazy men have nowadays. At least those that still have eyebrows.

I had thought of declaring "assjackery" to be my word for 2006 but it looks like it is playing itself out already. Too late to hop on that bandwagon.

I am thankful that it just rained a lot over the last two days. Otherwise we may have had half a foot of snow. That may still be better than the cloudy, gray days we have been having. Probably won't be another couple days until we see the sun, so why get all bummed out? Just head down to a bar and drink your troubles away.

Wow, this is a rather pitiful way to start the year. Oh well. It can only get better.

In the meantime, go read this: Overheard in New York. I blame Iggy for my addiction to it.

No window was broken

Don't know how I fell.

Next thing I know I was laying on the floor staring at the ceiling hoping the slot machine didn't break the winow. I crawled back to my feet and looked over to the glass.

Intact.

Whew!

This morning I look at the spot where I fell and have an idea of what happened. I must have tripped on a gift I had received from my father. Guess I should move that to the basement so it is out of the way.

I think it has been 13 hours since I had a beer. Time to go watch the Badgers.

I was there to watch football. Where were you?

It was about 10 hours after my arrival that I left the bar. There were many beers, shot and attempted dial-a-shots-of which only the King of the dial-a-shot returned. Yeah, I might have been a bit hooched. But it was a good drunk.

I left disappointed that my Cowboys were not going to be in the playoffs. But they had their chance to make it happen but they just didn't deliver. A good season gone down the drain.

*Sigh*

Yet somehow I did win my fantasy league. Yeah, the same one that I bitched about. I am one Ben Franklin richer so I do not care about the BS behind it. Don't matter cuz I won. Say what you want. I also won both halves in the Packer game so that was good too.

I am hooched and playing poker so this is coming to an end. Come up to Jerseys tomorrow and drink a couple of beers with me if you are in the neighborhood.

By the way, can you tell this is a drunken post? It took me a good half hour to post this as I pecked away at my keyboard. I am a bit drunk. Yeah, just a bit. I could kill for a pizza.